Setting Healthy Boundaries in Homeschooling

Homeschooling has many advantages that we love. Creating the most productive, constructive, creative, conducive atmosphere in our homes to accomplish our goals is a process. It will become easier, with time, as long as we stay focused on our objectives. Giving yourself permission to move steadily toward that goal keeps you from becoming frustrated by unrealistic expectations. 


One lesson that has been learned here over the years is the need to set appropriate boundaries. Having us all together all the time, the kids can become very used to having unrestricted access to mom. There are times, however, when mom needs time alone and uninterrupted. Our kids need to learn, from an early age that they can practice patience when mom needs a few minutes to compose herself, or pray, or just to go to the bathroom alone. 


The specific amount of time the children should be expected to give us will increase as they grow and mature, but it is good for them to start with the proper understanding of their responsibility to be independent for an age-appropriate period of time. Moms need a few minutes here and there and our children can learn to bless us by allowing us some space.


If we allow the kids to ask us anything at anytime, all day everyday, they can actually become too dependent on us for things they should be learning to take care of themselves. We need to explain to them that we are doing this for their good so that they learn to honor us and to work at things on their own. It's a good thing for them to see us spending time working on things that require our full and undivided attention. If they truly need us, then we stop what we are doing and are readily available. But I find that, especially with our youngest, she will keep up a conversation with me all day from morning to night about anything and everything that pops into her head. And believe me, her mind is in overdrive 24/7. Being an introvert, I really need a few minutes here and there throughout the day to simply not have to answer any questions. 


You have probably witnessed the results of children who have unlimited, unrestricted access to their parents anytime something pops into their little head that they want to say or share or ask. They can get to the point where they treat their parents almost like a peer, an equal, or in extreme cases: a servant. They believe that whatever is on their mind is the most important thing in the world at that moment. Parents can mistakenly believe they must respond anytime their child wants to engage them. Homeschooling moms can be especially susceptible to this, and from the best of intentions. 


Yes, we want to provide a rich and stimulating environment that challenges the developing minds of our children/students. To be balanced, however, they need to be taught to value times of quiet and solitude. Those extended periods of time where they engage their minds in big thoughts are so fruitful. And then when the time does come to re-engage in discussions with mom, the discussions are often more energized because of the boundary that was observed.


I haven't always understood this principle. In the early years, I didn't know it was okay to set this boundary. Not just okay, but wise. So if any of you can learn from my mistakes instead of having to learn on your own, then I would love to give you permission to say, "Mom needs a time out." :)