The Ministry of Parenting

Jesus, as He walked this earth, modeled the life we are to live. I love the saying I heard years ago, I cannot remember where:

Jesus Called 12

Graduated 11

And Focused on 3

What does that mean to me?

What should my ministry look like?

Jesus ministered to the multitudes on many occasions. That ministry profoundly changed many lives. But His primary focus was on His disciples. And the way He did this is so instructive. He could have set up a "school" where he had hundreds of students taught in a lecture format. After all, He knew He would only be here for a short time. Wouldn't it be more efficient to teach large numbers of people so they could have a larger influence on more people faster? That's what most experts would probably have recommended.

He didn't do it that way. Instead, He called twelve men to walk beside Him and watch Him live. They "did life" together. They ate together, slept together, walked together, talked together as He trained them to accomplish the purpose He had for them. The entire time they were together, He was influencing them, directly through His Words and indirectly as they observed Him interact with the world. To truly change hearts, it would take intense, focused attention and training. That normally isn't accomplished through "mass production." Complete transformation in His immediate circle would have an exponential effect not possible by a "lesser dose" with a greater audience. 

So what does that mean for me?

I believe my ministry is to focus on a few at a time, those He specifically gives me. It is not a misuse of my time to spend intensive resources on a few for the season He defines. Yes, I can speak into other lives in limited ways as He directs, but if I go out and try to "gather" more than the number He sends, do I risk the impact that He intends me to have on the few? Do I really believe I can "disciple" more effectively than He did? 

And, here comes the exciting part: for this season of my life my primary focus is on my children. As a mother, I believe I am responsible first and foremost to disciple the children He has made me responsible for. For this season my primary circle of influence is my own kids. As I am focused on these children, He often brings someone to me for a small window of time and the kids get to observe how He asks me to minister to someone else, but the focus of this season doesn't change.

It is tragic to see how many parents allow other things to take the place of their primary field of ministry during the formative years of their children. Ministry is often allowed to take precedence over parenting. The Lord never asks us to serve in ways that interfere with the primary responsibilities He gives us. That is a tool of the evil one. That sounds harsh, especially when those "other ways" are ministry related. But if parents allow themselves to be pulled away from the training and nurturing of their own children to minister to someone else they are missing their primary calling. And there will be consequences. 

Some people believe that if they see a need, they are the one who is supposed meet it. That is not necessarily the case. Many times well meaning people, out of a true desire to help, step in where they are not supposed to step in. As parents, when we see a need that will involve a significant investment of time, we need to ask the Lord if He is putting it on our list. If the answer is "yes", the Grace will be provided to minister to that need without neglecting our primary area of focus. If the answer, however, is "no" then, no matter how good our intentions, the Grace will not be available to accomplish that specific thing without negative consequences in our primary responsibility to our children. 

The principle of the "seasons" in our life has to provide the filter for our commitments. During the season of parenting, we should not add any responsibilities He does not specifically give us. We can't add something to the life of our family just because it's a "good thing." If it does not enhance our ability to effectively accomplish the main goal of the season we are in, then it is not supposed to be added to that season. 

Often times, when we take on an "ill-fitting" thing, we are actually interfering with that need being met in a more productive way. If we step in when the Lord was actually calling someone else to minister to that specific need, we can interfere with many potential blessings: the blessings for the person who was supposed to minister in that area, and the blessings of that need being met in a more fruitful way. Often, we step in to relieve the "tension" created by a need. What we have to understand is that just because we feel that tension doesn't mean we are the one who is supposed to relieve it. God often creates that tension specifically to move the one He is actually calling to meet that need to step up and engage it. If we step in without His specific instruction to do so, the person who He was calling can miss out on that opportunity.

It all comes back to recognizing the primary responsibility for the season of life the Lord has us in. Nothing He calls us to do during that season will damage our ability to faithfully, fruitfully accomplish that responsibility. Anything He does ask of us during that specific season will enhance our ability to accomplish that primary responsibility. 

So for us, this season of parenting defines our primary ministry. And any ministry opportunities that present themselves must be evaluated and prayed over from that context. If that specific ministry interferes with our parenting, then it is intended for someone else to do, or for us to do in another season of our lives. Intense, intentional focus as parents produces the fruit intended for this season. If I don't get this season right, His ability to use me in the future is diminished because of my lack of faithfulness here and now.

We need to ask the Lord to purify our schedules and our commitments. We need to ask Him to help us stay focused on what He has called us to now.

What season are you in?

What is the primary responsibility for that season?

Have you taken on things intended for someone else, or for another season?

Bill Gothard said years ago that our job is never to expand our ministry. Our job is always to deepen our message. The Lord will expand our ministry in His Perfect Timing for His Glory. 

Grow deep roots where you are. Grow deep roots so that the fruit He can bear through you is abundant and filled with Life. Your influence, under those circumstances, will be far greater than you can ever imagine. There is always time to wait on Him, to allow Him to teach you well in this season.