Is That Me, Lord?

This is a topic that has been discussed here on previous occasions. So if I've already "told-you-so" (translation: you have stuck around here long enough to have already heard me on this soapbox), please simply move on to the next blog in your reader. :) I find, however, so often people have not heard this principle/practice in parenting, that I am often explaining it to people. So, here goes!

In my early days of homeschooling, my learning curve was vertical. Yes, I have a degree in Elementary Education, with a Kindergarten endorsement and a reading specialty through 8th grade. But, that was all about "crowd management" and "herding" skills. Only a couple of those classes had much to do with true education. And those were the ones that really felt worthwhile. But, as I began this journey that has lasted for over 18 years, and stretches almost another decade in front of me, I had SO much to learn.

A dear mentor/friend told me about a book that helped lay the foundation for my understanding of a true education. It was called Wisdom's Way of Learning by Marilyn Howshall. It is no longer in print in that original format, and so I don't even know for sure where to point you for her teachings on the principle I want to talk about now. But, that was the genesis of my understanding on this one, just so you know.

Since a true education involves everything about the life of the family, she included in her book much about parenting and specifically an important foundation for child discipline that stuck to my brain like chewed gum on my shoe. I wish I could have forgotten about it by now, but it's still there nagging at me from the recesses of my tired brain.

It goes like this:

When I see a behavior in my child that will require discipline, my first response needs to be this question: 

Lord, is that me?

Seems an odd question at first glance, doesn't it? But, it really is the perfect "first response." So many times, the character issues our children deal with are the same ones their parents deal with. They can manifest in different ways, but when you peel the onion all the way back, the root issue of the soul is often the same. NOT ALWAYS, but often. And it just makes sense that our children, exposed in large doses to the sin in our lives, would tend to learn the same wrong responses they see displayed. 

So if my precious little girl loses her temper with her brother, before I correct and discipline her, I have to ask the Lord if He sees the same thing in my soul. If He tells me He does, then I need first to confess and ask His forgiveness. Next, I tell my daughter that the Lord has just convicted me of an area of my heart that is not completely His. I explain how I, too, have trouble with my temper and how the Lord showed me and forgave me. Again. Then we talk about the way she just dishonored Him with her temper, talk about what her response should have been, and apply appropriate discipline after she confesses to her brother and asks his forgiveness. 


There are many blessings in using these steps when discipline is required in my child:

• I humble myself before the Lord
• He shows me the way He sees my heart
• I am able to repent and ask forgiveness
• It helps me be more aware of this area of my heart
• It causes me to approach discipline with humility and compassion
• It helps my child receive discipline and correction from me because she knows that I am submitted to my Father
• It takes the negative emotion out of the situation
• It truly brings about reconciliation and peace

I am so very thankful to have learned this years ago and still need to be reminded to be faithful in consistently applying this principle. If discipline is a "sore spot", you might want to give this a try. It made a big difference around here.


A sweet commenter sent me this link:
Marilyn Howshall's Website