Caleb's Parenting Advice, A Link-Up in "Pages in Our Heritage of Faith"

Caleb was our only son for several years. And that was not okay with him. He prayed diligently for brothers, and the Lord imported them from Russia just for him. He takes his role as "big brother" very seriously, even while he's away at college. His influence has had such a huge impact, we will never truly see its scope this side of Heaven. But we are so thankful to the Lord for the passion He has placed in the heart of this tender warrior to help shepherd the hearts of his little brothers. 


As from the beginning of our time with Joshua, the battle rages in him between seeking only the approval of the Father and seeking the approval of "man." Joshua doesn't even understand the degree to which his choices are controlled by his desire to "please man." The scars left in his spirit because he was thrown away by those who were supposed to love him are still influencing him, steering him to seek love and approval from everyone he meets, trying to fill that gaping hole only He can fill. Balanced by the Father's Love, his naturally gregarious nature will be a great tool in His Kingdom. Out of balance, it drives Josh to do things without thinking about whether he should, whether it is wise, whether it would please Him. He tends to think only about whether someone else will be impressed.


We talk to him about the driving force behind his decisions, and about how we must "keep him on a short leash" until we know He fears only God, not man. We pray and pray. We encourage him to choose with wisdom, using God's criteria, not man's. But we are still troubled by many of his choices.


Caleb, too, went through a season when he was seeking the approval of man. During that time, he wasn't really himself. He would tend to be sullen and easily discouraged. His spirit was not at peace, and so nothing else really worked. It was a time that sent us to prayer a great deal, knowing that the Lord would have to touch his heart and help him to seek Truth which is embodied in Christ. The Lord answered our prayers, and the fruit of the Spirit in Caleb's life is so very precious to us. Maybe even more precious than it otherwise would have been had we not seen how the Lord had moved his heart.


Caleb has been reading the biography of Hudson Taylor, which is one of the most important books I've ever read. It's been a while since I last read it, and so, while we were discussing our concerns over Joshua, Caleb was reminding me of a portion describing the early years of Taylor's life. He believed it would help us with Joshua. And I think he is exactly right.


A little background here, in case you are unfamiliar with Hudson Taylor and his pioneering missionary work in China during the 1800's. He was used by the Lord to take the Gospel to areas of China that had never seen a white man, never heard of Christ. His unorthodox methodology became the standard for later efforts as he, instead of maintaining a "Western" worldview, fully embraced the dress, language, mannerisms of his adopted home. The missionary society the Lord began through him is still operating. But there was quite a journey required by his soul before he was fit for service in such a huge way.


During Taylor's early life, he, too, struggled with being too strongly influenced by peers. His parents and sister continued to speak Truth to him, but his earlier conversion had been to religion, not to Christ Jesus, and so there was no "staying power." He says this in his writings about that season of his life:

"Often had I tried to make myself a Christian, and failing of course in such efforts, I began to think that for some reason or other I could not be saved, and that the best I could do was to take my fill of this world, as there was no hope for me beyond the grave. While in this state of mind I came into contact with persons holding sceptical (antiquated spelling) and infidel views, and quickly accepted their teachings, only too thankful for some hope of escape from the doom which if my parents were right and the Bible true awaited the ungodly."

The narrative continues:

"He was all wrong, and his parents could not but see it. The father tried to help him, but found it hard to be patient with the phase through which he was passing. The mother understood him better, and redoubled her tenderness and prayers. But it was his sister Amelia, now thirteen years of age, who was nearest to him and best able to win his confidence."

That little phrase, out of the 500+ page first volume of the biography is what Caleb reminded me of. He believed that was an important key to help Joshua in the phase he is going through right now. 


It's hard to be 14 1/2, 5' 1/2", 103 lbs in a family where the guys are all 6' tall and 200 lbs. We keep reminding him that he is exactly, perfectly designed just how the Lord planned for him to be, but he struggles with trying to compensate for size with a "tough-guy" attitude. He loves the Lord, but he struggles with what that means in his choices. 


I have taken Caleb's advice, and believe it is exactly what I should be focusing on, continuing to pray that Joshua will seek Wisdom and Discernment, but also focusing on lots of hugs and teasing and words of praise and encouragement. He needs to be reminded constantly that we love him and are his biggest fans. Knowing that helps him not need the approval of others so much. So cranking up the cheering squad from the home team is the plan. Especially from Kregg and I. We need to constantly, consistently speak words of affirmation, encouragement and praise to him. We normally try to do that, but during this season for Joshua, we need to do it even more. 


And he loves it! He is so very attentive to serving me in any way he can. Several times a day, he will ask me if there is anything he can do for me, anything I need. That tender heart is exactly the type of ground into which the seeds the Lord is sowing will take root and grow strong. And as Hudson Taylor's dear sister stood with her parents in praying for her brother, Caleb prays and encourages Joshua.


And so for now, we wait. And pray. And pray. And wait. Knowing that He Who is Faithful will hear and answer. Again.

Our Father is Faithfulness in Essence. There is not a single moment during a single day when that Faithfulness falters or fails us. Can't happen! If it could, He would be denying His Nature. He would have changed! And that cannot happen. So if it "feels" like His Faithfulness is wavering in the tiniest degree, the evil one, or our own sin nature, is trying to deceive us. We can build our lives firmly on the foundation of the Faithfulness of our Father. (that's a lot of "f's" :) If you find yourself in a situation that causes you to question whether He is really Faithful to you, right now, ask Him to show you. Ask Him to help you see it. Guaranteed: It is there! Even in the most challenging, trying, frightening circumstances, the Truth of the matter is that we just have to look into His Face. He will be known by us if we seek Him.


How has He proven His Faithfulness to you? Find a post you wrote years ago, or write a brand new one. Your testimony can be something "earth shattering" or it can be the quiet whisper in your spirit speaking to you at just the moment you needed it. It could be the newly unfolding understanding of a passage in the Bible. It could be the Wisdom to speak exactly the right words at exactly the right time. It could be the softening in your child's heart that you have been praying for. Whatever it is, we should give Him Glory. And that's why there is this tiny little link-up every Friday. It's simply a way to encourage us to write it down so that we don't forget. In times of trial and testing, remembering all the times He has shown Himself Faithful to us will help us to believe He will again be Faithful.