Lack of Effort or Lack of Ability?

A childish, yet valiant attempt at constructing a coil pot

I need Wisdom. 


It would be nice if we could use a diagnostic computer, like they use on cars, hook the kids up to it, and figure out what was wrong, why things aren't "running" well. But, then we wouldn't have to humble ourselves before the Father and ask for help. And, as a parent, that's the very best place to be.


We try very hard around here to focus on root causes in the heart, not outward manifestations. 


Our specific area of need right at this moment, the area that has me asking Him for Help is this: I need Wisdom in order to discern whether two frustrated young scholars in our homeschool are actually unable or unwilling to do their work. Are they doing their best, but are simply incapable of processing some information? Or are they, because of a lack of motivation or interest, allowing their minds to wander? Or worse yet, not engaging their minds?


We don't know what Josh and Ben went through during their first several years. We know it was tragic, though. Members of their extended family are the ones who turned their parents in to the Russian government for neglecting their two little boys. They suffered rickets and were malnourished when we brought them home. Their parents were severe alcoholics, and though the boys show no outward signs of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, there are quite possibly effects that cause them problems. 


Beyond the physical health issues, the fact that their birth parents were drunk most of the time means the boys received little, if any, mental stimulation. I wonder if they ever had a book read to them by their parents. Did they take them to a park? Did they tell them stories? Did they explain things to them? Even in their native language, their vocabulary was minuscule. 


None of those things were their faults. They truly were completely defenseless, at the mercy of parents whose lives were bound up in a bottle of vodka--to the point that, when the government workers came and took Oleg and Sergey away, those parents never again contacted their little boys. They never answered government correspondence concerning the fate of their children. They never wrote to them. They never traveled to see them. After two years in the orphanage, they had made no progress toward finding help and their parental rights were terminated.


All of those things have lasting consequences that affect them still.


But that doesn't mean we simply accept their delays and challenges as unchangeable. When we find the right motivation, it's amazing how much better their brains function. (snicker, snicker) When they know they won't get to go to Boy Scouts, or get their "roping rope" back, their work suddenly improves. Which speaks volumes.


But there are those days when things just do not make sense, no matter what we do. There are those days when, no matter how it is explained to them, a concept just doesn't register. There are times when I cannot come up with a single, additional way to explain something that causes "the light" to come on.


The line between lack of effort and lack of ability is often blurry. Wisdom is required. 


And not just for Josh and Ben. For all of them. In fact, one of our older children was very challenged in school work. Understanding that physical age and learning level are not the same for everyone is essential. And I have to continue to remind myself that, even though the boys are almost 14 and 15, their developmental age was derailed for several years while they were in Russia. 


Our expectations for our children need to be high. They need to be challenging. We need to encourage them to work hard and achieve what they thought impossible. Mediocrity is never a blessing. But neither is perfectionism. Finding the balance between effort and ability encourages the kids to do their best, without discouraging them with unrealistic expectations.


We want our children to be prepared for everything the Lord calls them to be and do. By striving for excellence in effort and performance, they are challenged to stretch beyond what is easy. They don't respect themselves when they know their effort is less than it should be, and we aren't doing them any favors to accept less. Whatever they are capable of doing for His Glory, we desire for them to do with excellence.


But Wisdom is required to see the balance.