Seeking Peace

Our youngest, who shall remain nameless to protect her identity, has a unique personality. Yes, I know. They are each unique and special and gifted in specific ways. But this one? She is uniquely unique. And always has been. She and our #2 daughter, also nameless for protection, are similar in many ways. And I find it an amazing "coincidence" to have two of this model: uniquely unique. 

Back to youngest anonymous child:

She is very bright. 

She is extraordinarily creative. 

She is also sensitive to the extreme. 

She notices everything. All the time. To the point of distraction. Case in point:

 

Notice anything odd about our school table? Like the giant box in the middle of it? Any guesses who sits on this side of that box that I put there yesterday? Youngest son, Ben (whose identity doesn't need to be protected because he is completely innocent in this situation) sits opposite her. And he drives her nuts. Ben is rarely still or silent. Just being a boy, no big deal. But it drives someone else crazy. So in a moment of clarity, I thought about a visual barrier. "Out of sight helps him be out of mind." It has really helped. It's ugly. But I don't care. 

Well, today things just piled on until they overflowed. She had a kind of meltdown and was being snippy and impatient with everyone. I called her to me where I could talk to her quietly, hoping to soothe her spirit. I told her that she needed to ask the Lord for Peace. Well, that opened the floodgates. I think she finally recognized the root cause of her attitude and she was overwhelmed with emotion. 

Several months ago, I had read about Ann Voskamp's Peace Retreat. It was such a wise and precious idea, I knew we needed one. Especially for her. And I have encouraged her to use it several times. But she was adamantly opposed. Interesting reaction. You see, she knows. She understands the roots of things to an extraordinary degree. So does her big sister. And they feel things so extremely that they must sometimes fight to continue to be able to breathe. There are times, when the pain is so intense, they shut down. Other times, they lash out. All in an attempt, in their strength and wisdom, to cope with their gift.

This gift is a hard one to bear. It costs a great deal. You see, the capacity for the Spirit in these two is mind-boggling to me. We have always jokingly tried to explain it to people as being wired 220V in a 110V world. He has gifted them with such an incredible ability to discern spiritual things that they actually feel, excruciatingly, the pain of others, the pain of the world in which they live. And the price they pay to walk in their gifting is high. They must learn to allow Him to temper their hearts or it can crush them. They must stay at His Feet, turning the burden constantly over to Him. He Faithfully supplies the Grace for them to carry it and breathe Life into the hurts of others. But they must choose it. Constantly choose it.

When they try to carry it on their own, it ends in a train wreck. They can't do it. They cannot carry it. And so they react. As parents, we have to understand the real cause and point them back to Him. If you have never met anyone so gifted, this may sound nuts. If you know someone like them, however, you know of what I speak. It can be so hard to watch. 

So today when youngest was overwhelmed with the drought, the devastation of the tornadoes in Alabama, the pain of someone she loves dearly, and then the added "irritation" of a brother making noises, she boiled over. And when I talked to her about Peace, she started weeping. "I just don't have any Peace! I just don't have any Peace!"

I walked her quietly to this little corner of my room and reminded her why it was there. She welcomed it, finally understanding that to have Peace she must seek Him. He is the only Source. She wept loudly for a while in anger and I went back in to encourage her to cry out to Him. I told her she could spend as much time as she needed and I quietly closed the door and went back to the schoolwork with the other three. 

It became quiet. And I grew Hopeful. 

I haven't always done this well. I have often become impatient and lost my temper. Which only throws fuel on the fire of those wired this way. But the Spirit is so very Faithful to teach each of us when our hearts are open, seeking.

I left her alone for quite a while before going back in to check on her. When I poked my head in the door. She was lying on the couch in my room reading a book from the basket. The basket has Bibles, and books of prayers, and journals to write in. She had chosen this:

Perfect!

This little gem is my favorite Bible Storybook ever. She read a large part of it and even ate her lunch in my room to read more. And she met Him there. And He washed over her and filled her with Peace, with Himself. 

And, in the end, isn't that the only thing we can ever do in this job of mothering? To point them to Him, always to Him.

Psalm 35:16

"Come, my children, listen to me: I will teach you the fear of the Lord."