The Motivation of Appropriate Consequences

Surely I couldn't possibly be talking about any of these angelic children, could I?

The Lord has seen fit to bless us with more than one extremely strong willed child. No, I will not be naming names. They know who they are. And so do all our friends who have watched them grow up. You can ask them. They would testify to it in court. It's unlike anything they have ever seen. Exaggeration is completely unnecessary. 


I have great sympathy for parents who have extremely strong willed children. Those of us in this category understand one another. And when other parents talk to us about a stubborn streak in one of their children, we really do try not to laugh. 


Really. 


Or roll our eyes. 


But it's really hard. 


I used to try to explain the degree of strong-willed-ness we deal with, just to help them put things in perspective, so they could be grateful for their blessings. But then I realized that was probably cruel. You see, it terrified them to the point of nightmares. 


Okay, not really. 


But it does seem more humane to just smile and nod, with a little empathetic shake of the head thrown in for good measure. 


I have wondered many times over the years if having these children was part of His Mercy for me. How else would I be required to daily learn more about depending on Him completely? 


And just to clarify a little: we Discipline. Regularly. Biblically. And we provide CONSEQUENCES. And though it doesn't appear to visibly "make a dent," we stand in Faith on His Promises that He deals with hearts and brings forth Fruit. Eventually. 


I mean, in His Perfect Timing. :)


That all being said, we have become highly-skilled at instituting consequences. We do not believe in "letting them off easy," especially when it comes to matters of submission to authority or willful disobedience. We have been accused of being "too hard." Too bad. Consequences are chosen to "fit the crime." But they are also tailor made to provide intense motivation for that child to choose more wisely in the future. 


Case in point: 
One of our little darlings simply chooses daily not "obey instantly, completely, and cheerfully," which is our standard. Said accused pushes the limits with tone of voice, questioning instructions, and justifying actions after correction.


Hmmm, what to do? After administering necessary discipline and instruction, we have to additionally impose consequences.


Since this specific individual LOVES to finish their schoolwork just as quickly as possible, which is an easy task because of extreme giftedness, the consequence that "makes a dent" is added time on additional assignments. From my victim's point of view, this falls under the category of "cruel and unusual," which probably means its PERFECT.  


For other children, an appropriate consequence might be a removed privilege, like the confiscation of the "ropin'" rope. Or early bedtime, etc. 


We must have as our standard for them responses from them that glorify God. It's not okay to allow them to sass or backtalk or roll their eyes. Each of those choices are disrespectful and not completely obedient. Cheerfully, Completely, Instantly Obedient. You're the grown up here, so not only do you need to expect it from them, you need to model it for them. 


Yes, He gave us these iron-willed ones for a reason. :)


Someday, the strength of those wills will result in Determination, Diligence, Courage, Boldness, Perseverance, etc., when they have been refined through proper, consistent discipline. 


Excuse me now, I need to go practice my "mean mom" laugh.