Desert Mentality

This is in Moab, Utah on another "Road Trip"

Why do I ever think there's not enough?

Has the Lord ever NOT provided what I truly need? 

When I find myself at the very end of my rope, is it because it's "my" rope? Am I once again (for the 6,423,948th time) trying to accomplish something in my strength? Yes! Guilty again. I just forget. And therein lies my problem: I am not depending on Him enough! If I truly want to be transformed into His image, I have to let Him have it all. I have to depend on Him totally.

II Corinthians 3:18
And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

Tonight, Caleb, Elizabeth, Rebekah and I were coming home from a wonderful weekend together. (Kregg has Josh and Ben at the Challenge Camp Out for their Scout troop. And Mackenzy stayed here to work.) I had driven the whole way there on Thursday and was driving the entire way home tonight. Caleb had offered several times to drive, but I knew he was enjoying just riding, playing on his computer, listening to music, etc., so I kept driving. By the time we were 30 miles away from home, though, I was about to go nuts! I wanted OUT OF THAT SUBURBAN. Yes, Caleb could have driven, but that really wasn't the issue. 


The issue was, I had paced myself to make it home, but that was all. I knew it was going to be a long drive (over 400 miles today), and I think I mentally prepared myself for it. But close to the end of the drive, I was absolutely desperate to get home. 

Now, this has happened repeatedly over the years of all our road trips. And it has puzzled me before. Why am I okay 600 miles into an 800 mile driving day, but not 370 miles into a 400 mile trip? Does that make sense? It's not like there's some magic number that sets me off: 500 miles and I'm okay, but 501 and I'm nuts. It is that by thinking I can get through the day in my own strength, I portion it out to last just until "it's" over, whatever "it" happens to be.  Today it was driving home. Other days, it may be our homeschool, or any number of things on the list.


But, it hit me tonight that I am not walking in Peace and Provision when I get to the point of barely surviving. Barely surviving is what I get on my own. Joyfully, Gracefully, Victoriously finishing strong is what the Lord has for me if I would just take it. 


Did I pray for His Grace today in the drive, or did I just pray for safety? Why should I be satisfied with barely surviving? 

I shouldn't be! 

But, I just forget. 

I have been too comfortable walking in my own strength, wisdom, planning. I want to come to the place where I recognize how truly dependent I am on Him for my very next breath. I don't want to have "just enough" to coast into the garage on fumes, spiritually speaking. I want to arrive knowing that His Provision is Abundant! 


I want to learn to leave Egypt for the Promised Land and never look back. But I sure can't do that on my own, either.