A Gratitude Journal for Marriage

As my Gratitude List grows and my heart changes, the ripples extend outward. In listening to one of the chapter discussions on Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts, she made a comment in passing that made all the bells and whistles in my head go off. She mentioned making a gratitude journal with your husband!! I LOVE this idea. 

It reminds me of a story I heard once, I cannot remember where (and I may actually be combining multiple stories), about a husband and wife who were on the point of divorce. I don't know if it was a counselor or a friend who gave them some very wise counsel. They were told to make a list of everything they disliked about their spouse. That certainly was an easy job. Their pencils were smoking from writing so fast. They sure didn't want to forget something before they could commit it to paper. The whole time they were writing, they were feeling the delicious, self-righteous, holier-than-thou blood beginning to boil. They would certainly prove who was causing all the problems in their marriage with their list. Their lists each covered multiple pages.


As they finished, they were told to do something that left their mouths hanging open. "Tear your list up into little pieces and throw it in the garbage can." 


What?! After all that work?? Don't you even want to look at it? Can't I at least give it to my spouse? 

But, they proceeded to tear up all those angry words, all the accusations.

Now what?


"Make a list of all the things you like, are grateful for, in your spouse."

Silence.


This is a joke, right?

But, it was not a joke. So they sat back down and picked up their pencils. This was much harder. It took them a lot longer. These lists weren't very long. They covered less than half a page. But each of them did come up with a few things that were positive to say about this person they were ready to give up on.


The next assignment? Read the list at least once each day.

You already know the end of the story, don't you?

Their attitudes toward each other changed. Completely. Not only did they not divorce, they are happily married. 


Changing the focus changed their relationship.

So when Ann, just in passing, mentioned a journal to share with a spouse, I thought about that story. And I thought about how it could bless our marriage. How it could help us grow closer and deeper in love. 



I bought this plain little journal and told Kregg what I hoped we could do. I wondered if he would think it was silly. We have a good marriage, after all. But he was willing to try it. I wrote first. It was a little awkward, but I wrote something about him I am thankful for, put the date beside it and left it on the counter in our closet. With a pen. For the first couple of days, my entry was alone. He has been so very busy, I'm sure he just forgot about it. But then, sure enough, I opened it one day and there was an entry from Kregg! What a precious gift!

And so now we play tag back and forth. It's lovely. And I look forward to our next 25 years together, counting blessings and filling our journal with years worth of notes. I believe it will change us. It will deepen our relationship and that will bless our children. And someday when we are older and grayer, we can share our legacy of gratitude with our kids. And the ripples will continue, for who knows how long?