Proverbs 4:23 says, " Above all else guard you heart, for it is the wellspring of life." When we are instructed to take every thought captive, it is for the protection of our hearts. Our Heavenly Father knows how we are wrought; how things affect us. He knows that we cannot entertain thoughts in our minds without our hearts being affected.
This is especially true with regard to those in authority over us.
That is why children are warned over and over again to honor their parents. He tells us this because therein lies the blessing, but it is also to protect us against a root of bitterness being planted in our hearts. When we are young, our attitudes toward our parents lay a foundation for the rest of our lives. If we choose to honor them, we will also forgive them when they are wrong. satan would have us choose instead to store up their offenses and recount them to ourselves when we become angry at them. If we do this and refuse to forgive, he will cause our hearts to slowly harden toward our parents. When this happens, it's like a snowball rolling down a hill. It will grow larger and more dangerous as it tumbles down the slope. Our hearts are the same way.
There is a precious song that illustrates this principle perfectly. It's called "Two Children" by Steve and Annie Chapman:
Two children, a brother and a sister
Born to a father who was a slave to wine
They do remember their younger years of sorrow
How their daddy used to hurt them time after time
Somehow they grew to be so different
Their lives turned out to be like day and night
One lives in peace, up in Ohio
One was filled with hate until she died.
I wondered what could make the difference in the two of them?
Both had reasons to be bitter, but one was so sweet
How could one live in peace and not the other?
Not long ago the answer became clear to me:
I saw the brother at his daddy's grave,
Placing flowers there his eyes were filled with tears
He said, "Daddy, once again I do forgive you,
For the way you made us suffer through the years."
Now I can see how the two could be so different,
How their hearts turned out to be like day and night
He lives in peace, up in Ohio
She was bitter till the day she died
He lives in forgiveness, up in Ohio
She was bitter till the day she died,
A bitter heart was the reason that she died.
That which we gaze on in our heart molds us into who we will be. If we choose to gaze on the face of a loving Heavenly Father, and a Blessed Savior, and the Indwelling Spirit, we will become more and more like them. If instead we store up in our hearts the offenses of others, we will become more and more like what it is we hate in them. There is no other word for it when we choose not to forgive. Hate is the result.
Luke 6:45 says, "The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart, his mouth speaks."
Galatians 6:7 says, "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows."
Thankfully, the Lord is quick to forgive and heal those broken places in our spirits when we confess and repent. May we all choose to live in peace and forgiveness, having laid down any offenses we have stored up in our hearts toward others.
He is so patient with me. He will not leave me in this state. He is constantly cleansing and renewing my spirit and "skimming the dross." There are so many instances in my life when I have not properly respected authority in my heart. May He increase my hunger for personal holiness. May I allow Him to reveal every motive of my heart so that He will be glorified. What a Mighty God we serve!
I had so much fun today after discovering the Wordle website! It was a link contained in the Holy Experience email I got today. Wordle allows you to make a beautiful "word cloud" from any text you choose. The one above is Psalm 23.
This one is from Matthew 5, 6, and 7. It takes the words with greatest frequency and makes them larger in size. You can choose fonts, color schemes, shape and direction.
This one is the poem, "The Charge of the Light Brigade". Just think of the possibilities!! Wall art, t-shirts, blog posts, or just for fun.
This is the Declaration of Independence
I Corinthians 13
I LOVE this website!! Check it out! It is really fun!
Even before the adoption, but definitely since then we have wondered if there will be "issues" that arise with Joshua and Benjamin concerning their biological parents. They seem to have no feelings about them. None. It just looks to us like they walked away from Russia and never looked back. Have they just adjusted that well, or are they not even aware of their own feelings? We occasionally ask them about memories and feelings, but they truly seem fine. Even though Josh is now 13 and Ben 12, it is more like they are about 8 and 9. So, is it just that we haven't hit the time for these issues to arise, or has the Lord already redeemed most of it? Or is this the lull before the storm?
We have struggled from the beginning, 6 years ago, with Josh's desire to have the approval of man. He has sought accolades, attention, and admiration from any group he was with. We have prayed and talked to him and imposed consequences for wrong choices. His desire to please has been so intense that he has chosen to do things he knew were wrong and even dangerous because he so desperately wanted to be liked. We have had to severely limit his exposure to peer groups because, in those situations, he would not make wise choices. He is extremely athletic and would be great at many sports, but his huge desire to be in the spot light has caused us to believe that would only make things worse. We have prayed and prayed.
His heart is changing, though, because the Lord is Faithful!
This morning, the Lord laid two things on my heart. First, He told me that the reason this issue is so deep-seated in Joshua's spirit is because he was thrown away by his birth parents.
They were warned that if they didn't quit getting drunk all the time, the boys would be taken away. Nothing changed. The authorities arrived and took the boys away. Their parents never came to see them, never even answered the letters sent to them by the officials, never did anything to improve their ability to take care of them.
It is like they were glad to be rid of them. I don't know that for certain, but I just don't know how else to interpret it.
Josh doesn't even realize what that did to him. He doesn't understand the gaping hole their treatment of him left in his spirit. As the first born, the effects on him are much more pronounced than on Ben.
Second, I believe the Lord would have Josh and Ben begin to pray for their biological parents on a daily basis. I believe the Lord will use this to heal the broken places in their spirits. The boys don't understand that they need to forgive them. But just making the choice to forgive is not enough. He is calling them to invest in the lives of their parents.
Bill Gothard told a story in his Institute in Basic Life Principles seminar years ago that has always stuck with me. I know I don't remember all the specifics exactly, but the principles are indelibly stamped in my brain.
He said there were two brothers living in an area of the world where the main crop was rice. These brothers had their field on a terraced slope on the side of a mountain. The terrain was such that the rice farmers had to cut these terraces and then build earthen dams around the perimeter of their fields to hold water. These fields are then irrigated by hand: the daily task of carrying buckets of water from the river up to cover their field.
These two brothers became Christians. While they were still new in their faith, they arrived at their rice field one morning to quite a shock. The neighbor whose field was just below theirs on the hillside had cut a hole in their earthen dam and drained all of their water onto his field. As Christians, they knew they were supposed to forgive him. So they made the conscious choice to forgive. They repaired the damage and painstakingly irrigated their field. It was a large job.
The next day, the same scene greeted them. The neighbor had, once again, drained all their water onto his field. Determined to honor the Lord, they forgave again and began the arduous task of repairing and re-irrigating their field. They had truly forgiven this man, but they knew they were also supposed to love him. They really didn't feel love for him and it troubled them.
Day Three. Same thing. By this time, they were truly distraught. They knew they had been obedient by choosing to forgive, but they also knew there was more. Something was missing.
They went to visit a very wise man in the village. After explaining their predicament, his answer surprised them. He told them to start their work the next morning by first irrigating their neighbor's field, then their own.
Somewhat incredulous, they decided it was worth a try.
The next morning, they faithfully started their day by beginning to irrigate the field of their "enemy." A surprising thing happened. The longer they worked, the lighter their hearts. In fact, without even trying to manipulate their feelings, love for this man began to grow.
They decided to try it again, so the following morning they set out to irrigate their neighbor's field and then their own. They found their hearts so full that they were singing. Love for this man continued to grow in them.
Day Three was filled with even more joy and love as they labored to bless this man who had wronged them. And, most surprising of all??
Their neighbor came up to them as they were working to irrigate his field that day. He was weeping as he asked them, "You are Christians, aren't you?"
Beyond their wildest imagination, they were allowed, in Love, to share the Gospel with him.
Moral of the story: When we voluntarily invest something of value in the life of the one who has wronged us, we will not only be able to forgive but also to truly love that person. And that sets us completely free!!!
We have not wanted to "stir anything up", but the Lord's Wisdom is always to clean out and remove anything that could "fester" in us. He doesn't want the boys to just be okay, He wants them to be victorious! His Ways are higher than my ways. Praise Him!!
So today, I explained to the boys how their spirits had been wounded and what the Lord wanted us to do about it. They were ready. They were receptive. There were tears and Josh said, "I was really attached to my parents." We talked about the consequences of their parents' wrong choices. And that God wanted so much for them to understand how much they were loved that He told us to travel three-quarters of the way around the world and bring them to Texas to become part of the Conder Clan. Miraculous!
I explained to them how satan wanted them to believe the lie that they were worthless, thrown away. And that they need to do battle in their spirits to counter his lies with the Truth. The truth that they are loved beyond measure by Him and by us. And that they are so special, the Lord went to extraordinary measures to help them know that.
What a Mighty God we serve! What wonderful things does He have for them to do? How will He use them to further the Kingdom?
How fun to anticipate the fruition of His Plan for them.
The pictures are of Josh on the left and Ben on the right shortly after they arrived from Magadan, Russia.
Beautiful sunset over the Medina River
We finally have a graded road with the base, in preparation for pavement.
The back of our second lot has had fill added and leveled.
The kids sitting on Main Street in Bandera.
The pool at the clubhouse provides lots of fun.
It's hard to pick out, but there are seven or eight swallows on these
branches.
There are several monuments on the the grounds of the courthouse.
Inside the courthouse, there are pictures of past sheriffs. Some predate
the Civil War.
Lots of historical markers in town documenting the time of the Indians
and Texas Rangers.
We got library cards and checked out books. The kids are reading while
waiting for their Blizzards at Dairy Queen.
The swallows would skim the surface of the pool to get a drink.
Does anyone know where we can find swimming trunks with suspenders.
The boys have a terrible time keeping their suits on their bodies!
Channel cat
The sun was just peaking over the hills as we went down to the river.
Elizabeth's favorite fishing spot.
Rebekah trying to catch perch to use as bait for gar.
Ben with another little catfish.
Caleb, Josh and Ben crossing the road.
Feeding time
The last time we went to Enchanted Rock was Spring Break of 2004,
before we had Josh and Ben.
Rebekah contemplating life.
Elizabeth is left of Kregg and Rebekah is on the front at the right.
In 2004, Rebekah had just turned 4 and Elizabeth was almost 5.
In Fredricksburg
Kregg and I and the four youngest went to Bandera on Wednesday. Caleb
didn't come until Friday morning. Kregg attended CPE classes in San Antonio
on Thursday and Friday, so the kids and I just played. Friday evening we
drove into San Antonio and had dinner with a family Caleb had met while
camping in the spring. They live in San Antonio and had wanted to meet
us when we came back to Bandera. Caleb then spent the night at the home
of a friend he had made while on a mountain trek in Colorado this summer.
While he was in Bandera, the kids enjoyed him!!!
You can just see Ben's head at the top of the picture.
They tried several times to make a totem pole, without success.
Caleb finally got the boys situated and then came up under them.
Then he just walked them all into the deep end!!
Kregg saw this little porcupine as we were leaving the river.
On the way home, we were going to try to find a beautiful river crossing
we had played in in 2004. We didn't find it, but our search caused us to
take a different route home. Instead of getting on I-10 at Kerrville, we
came across a two lane state highway. We were about 10 or 12 miles from
Junction when we started seeing smoke ahead of us. This is what we
found.Thankfully, the driver was fine. Emergency personnel hadn't
arrived at this point. There were several explosions that set the ground
on fire on each side of the road. We ended up turning around and going
back all the way into Kerr County before we could get to another road
heading in the necessary direction.
The driver had separated the cab from the trailer, but not in time. As we
drove away, the front of the truck collapsed onto the pavement.
Every time we go to Bandera, we have to just make ourselves come home.
We love the hill country so much!
