Lack of Effort or Lack of Ability?

A childish, yet valiant attempt at constructing a coil pot

I need Wisdom. 


It would be nice if we could use a diagnostic computer, like they use on cars, hook the kids up to it, and figure out what was wrong, why things aren't "running" well. But, then we wouldn't have to humble ourselves before the Father and ask for help. And, as a parent, that's the very best place to be.


We try very hard around here to focus on root causes in the heart, not outward manifestations. 


Our specific area of need right at this moment, the area that has me asking Him for Help is this: I need Wisdom in order to discern whether two frustrated young scholars in our homeschool are actually unable or unwilling to do their work. Are they doing their best, but are simply incapable of processing some information? Or are they, because of a lack of motivation or interest, allowing their minds to wander? Or worse yet, not engaging their minds?


We don't know what Josh and Ben went through during their first several years. We know it was tragic, though. Members of their extended family are the ones who turned their parents in to the Russian government for neglecting their two little boys. They suffered rickets and were malnourished when we brought them home. Their parents were severe alcoholics, and though the boys show no outward signs of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, there are quite possibly effects that cause them problems. 


Beyond the physical health issues, the fact that their birth parents were drunk most of the time means the boys received little, if any, mental stimulation. I wonder if they ever had a book read to them by their parents. Did they take them to a park? Did they tell them stories? Did they explain things to them? Even in their native language, their vocabulary was minuscule. 


None of those things were their faults. They truly were completely defenseless, at the mercy of parents whose lives were bound up in a bottle of vodka--to the point that, when the government workers came and took Oleg and Sergey away, those parents never again contacted their little boys. They never answered government correspondence concerning the fate of their children. They never wrote to them. They never traveled to see them. After two years in the orphanage, they had made no progress toward finding help and their parental rights were terminated.


All of those things have lasting consequences that affect them still.


But that doesn't mean we simply accept their delays and challenges as unchangeable. When we find the right motivation, it's amazing how much better their brains function. (snicker, snicker) When they know they won't get to go to Boy Scouts, or get their "roping rope" back, their work suddenly improves. Which speaks volumes.


But there are those days when things just do not make sense, no matter what we do. There are those days when, no matter how it is explained to them, a concept just doesn't register. There are times when I cannot come up with a single, additional way to explain something that causes "the light" to come on.


The line between lack of effort and lack of ability is often blurry. Wisdom is required. 


And not just for Josh and Ben. For all of them. In fact, one of our older children was very challenged in school work. Understanding that physical age and learning level are not the same for everyone is essential. And I have to continue to remind myself that, even though the boys are almost 14 and 15, their developmental age was derailed for several years while they were in Russia. 


Our expectations for our children need to be high. They need to be challenging. We need to encourage them to work hard and achieve what they thought impossible. Mediocrity is never a blessing. But neither is perfectionism. Finding the balance between effort and ability encourages the kids to do their best, without discouraging them with unrealistic expectations.


We want our children to be prepared for everything the Lord calls them to be and do. By striving for excellence in effort and performance, they are challenged to stretch beyond what is easy. They don't respect themselves when they know their effort is less than it should be, and we aren't doing them any favors to accept less. Whatever they are capable of doing for His Glory, we desire for them to do with excellence.


But Wisdom is required to see the balance.

An Introvert Living in a House Full of People! A Link-Up in "Pages in Our Heritage of Faith"

A friend asked me an interesting question not long ago. He didn't believe me when I told him I was an introvert, so he asked me if it "recharges" me to be around a group of people, or if I "recharge" by being alone. I told him it was most definitely and unequivocally when I am ALONE! 


But that almost never happens!


My sweet husband has, several times over the years, said he would love for me to have a "break." (Those comments are usually forthcoming when he gazes into my eyes and notices that I'm "glazing" over.) Brainstorming for ways that a "mom's time-out" could be accomplished, he would dream up several different options, all of which involved me going somewhere, often times with a friend/sister, to "do" something fun.


I told him that what sounds blissful to me is simply to check into a room in a hotel here, in town, for a couple of days. I could stay up as long as I wanted, sleep until I woke up, and take the stack of books I'm reading at the moment. Now, that's what I call a "break!"


Hasn't happened yet. It's not because he wouldn't let me, it's just that I haven't felt like the timing was right. Yet.


Hope does spring eternal. After all, I'm only 24 1/2 years into this journey of motherhood. 


It could still happen.


You just never know.


In the meantime, this introvert will continue living in the "antbed," learning to trust His Grace when my batteries need to be recharged, even in the midst of the mob. 


And He does always recharge me.


Today was a perfect example. 


Our homeschool is intense. Very. Intense. 


Today, I wanted to run away. I had a stack of math, spelling, grammar, Greek & Latin, and dictation papers to check, the boys needed me to help review their rough drafts in composition, the girls needed me to help them check their final copies of an essay, and I felt my spirit tensing up. The thought went through my mind, "Just tell them to go do their reading and you can go hide for a little while in your bedroom." 


There are times when that is actually a wise choice. 


This wasn't one of them. 


This was a time to not leave a single thing out, not using any excuses from the "emotional duress" category, but allowing His Grace to flow over and through me. 


That's not always what I choose. I sometimes choose what I want instead of what He wants. I sometimes give myself excuses to not do what is best because it's hard. 


It was precious, though, because Grace (the power and the desire to do His Will) allowed me to choose Peace, and to go through every assignment with each child, just the way it needed to happen. For them and for me. They needed to complete their work with excellence. I needed to facilitate that process in a cheerful, helpful way. 


If I had chosen what I wanted, I would have bolted. 


At least, my heart was telling me that's what I wanted.


The Truth of the matter, though, is that I really didn't want to choose the "easy way out." But it required His Grace for me to know that and for Him to accomplish it in me. My strength was not sufficient. It never is.


When we made it through the thick of the daily assignments, and everyone had worked hard to faithfully finish what their responsibilities required, we all felt a sense of accomplishment that only comes through pressing through the "sticking places" to finish the race.


I'm so thankful He helped me choose what I needed to choose.


Now, if it does work out one of these days where I can go check into a hotel for a couple of days to allow this introvert-who-is-constantly-living-outside-her-comfort-zone "recharge" in that way, you won't have to worry about the door hitting me on the way out. :)


Until then, I'm supposed to learn how to dive deeper into His Fathomless Grace. Wonder if I will ever learn to do more than a "dogie paddle" . . .

I would love to hear your stories of His Faithfulness in your life. Link up with us here and tell us all about it. He has been Faithful this week, this month, this year, we just have to pay attention. 


Thank all of you who have linked up in the past. What a blessing you have been to me!

It's All in the Choice

We emphasize it constantly around here: choices matter.


As agents of "free will," we get to pick.


All day, everyday.


And what we choose says so very much about our heart.


We are struggling with a young heart that has trouble owning choices. The effort is constantly made to try and wiggle out from underneath the responsibility and consequences. Add to that the fact that ingenuity is readily available in "applying a teflon coating to the soul" so that nothing "sticks." There's always an excuse on the tip of that little tongue for everything. It makes the routine that structures our schooldays an enormous challenge. Okay, it's not limited to school. Many days, it goes on from the moment this little cherub awakes until the moment the eyes close in sleep.


And so we continue the prayer that we have prayed for ourselves and all our children for years and years: 


May we desire Truth in the innermost places.


When we embrace Truth, it shines Light into those pesky, dusky little corners of our souls where we may be holding onto a handful of our sin nature. Any of it that we refuse to surrender enables us to continue justifying wrong choices: "I did it because _____________." 


That because is the problem.


If I give myself permission to not choose holiness "because ____________," I've missed the whole point of this journey through sanctification.


If I tell myself, because I'm too tired . . .


Because they didn't ___________, then I won't _____________.


Because I've had a hard day, I'm impatient.


Because she said that, I lost my temper.


Because . . .


Until we refuse to use "because" as a license to misbehave, there really won't be much progress made toward maturation, toward personal holiness.


The choice is ours to make.


All day.


Everyday.


If my obedience to His Standards is dependent on perfect circumstances, or the perfect setting, or the perfect conditions, or perfect responses from others, I have given myself permission to hold onto that dusky little corner that I really want to pretend doesn't exist. 


As "the mom," my complete submission to His Standards of personal holiness are constantly on display for our children. Yes, they are responsible for their choices. But, I am responsible for my influence. And my influence hasn't always been what it should be.


And so the journey continues.


Will my foot be on the accelerator or the brake? Will I choose to avail myself of His Grace that is readily available exactly when I need it, so that I am enabled to choose holiness every time? 

I'm praying so.


For my little cherub an for myself.

Our Friendly Septic Tank Man: A Link-Up in "Pages in Our Heritage of Faith"

We really "moved up" in the world a few years ago when our neighborhood received city water. Prior to that, we had lived for years with well water. And our well water is so hard, it comes out in the shape of little bricks. So there was much to celebrate when we received a city tap for water. But that was the only hook-up they installed. We are still on a septic system. 


For those of you who don't know what that is, be thankful.


Anyway, because our home was built for a smaller family than ours, our septic system is under constant strain. Which means, we have to kind of "baby" it. We have used the same company to take care of it for years. I don't trust anybody else. Our septic tank man has kept us from having any serious trouble and so I do whatever he tells me to do. If he says, "Double up on the bacteria treatment." I double up on the bacteria treatment. If he says, "Use Angel Soft tissue paper." I won't buy any other kind. If he says, "Do not use bleach or any other harsh cleaners, and do NOT use anything antibacterial." Then you better believe I follow his advice religiously.


At least once a year, he comes to clean everything out. We all stay inside. I try not to think about what they are doing with that giant stainless steel truck in my back yard.


When he's finished, he comes in so I can write him a check and so he can hand me the boxes of bacteria for the upcoming year. Of course, we are usually having school when he comes. During his last visit, he was in quite a talkative mood. He sat down at the school table and began to tell me how blessed our children are to grow up in our home. 


He went on to explain his childhood and how he hadn't been raised in a wholesome family. And because of that, his life was really "off track" for many years. We talked about the Lord and politics and homeschooling and his family. It made me cry. 


We sometimes forget, I think, just how blessed we are. Seeing our home and family through his eyes broke my heart. The heart hunger that had left its scars in his soul were still evident. But instead of being bitter, he was choosing hope. He was choosing to try to live his life better than he had been raised to live it. 


Those days when this job seems never-ending, it can be easy to lose sight of the blessedness of it all. Even though it's hard and long and steep and heavy, his words reminded me of why we have made the choices we've made. Being in our home for those few minutes, he saw the fruit that we can sometimes take for granted.


The Lord renewed my vision, and my heart, through the annual visit of my friendly septic tank man. And I was so blessed!

How has He reminded you of His Faithfulness this week? What has happened this last month that made you say, "Thank You, Lord!" Have you seen growth in your spirit? In the spirit of your child? Has someone told you how you have blessed them? All of it points us back to our Abba Father and what He is doing in our hearts, in our lives, in our homes. Will you tell us about it here? We LOVE to read about what He is doing in and through you! Grab the button, add it to your post, (or not) and link up a page in your heritage of faith. Add another chapter to the book He is dictating by His Faithfulness every moment of every day as we walk this earth.

The Battle for the Imaginations of Our Children

This was drawn by "youngest" years ago

As those created in the Image of our Creator, creativity is at the core of our beings. Endowed with the incredible tool of imagination, man has been "creating" from the beginning. Intended for His Glory, our ability to imagine and create should be used to accomplish His Purposes through us. Is it any wonder the evil one has our imaginations in his wicked cross-hairs? Our enemy would love to hijack, for his own purposes, a Gift that is intended to be used in Holiness. 


So how do we thwart his efforts?


How do we protect the imaginations of our children?


Are we not the "guardians at the gate?"


No doubt, you remember your amazement when your young child came up with some incredibly fanciful idea or story or drawing. Watching their young minds at work is truly a humbling experience, because we recognize the potential contained in the gift of imagination. 


Is it any wonder there are so many attempts to capture the imaginations of our children? Attempts that do not have holiness at their core? Think of all the books and cartoons and movies and video games and regular games and apps for phones, and the list goes on forever, that try to capture the imagination of your children. Or even of yourself? 


Have you ever wondered why?


Have you ever wondered why millions and millions of dollars are spent creating things to sweep us up and away on flights of fancy? Have you ever considered just how many hours people in the United States spend each week allowing someone else to direct the course of their thoughts, strictly for "entertainment purposes?"


I'm going to spout off here, from my personal view of the world as I see it in black-and-white: I don't really believe anything is neutral. Either something is worth our time, or it isn't. Since time is our most valuable resource, the choice of how to spend it is of importance. Sure, there is value in relaxing. But we can't use the need to relax as an excuse to allow anything into our minds that isn't going to bless us in our walk with the Lord. 


We are choosing.


Whether we recognize it or not, we are choosing what captures our imaginations. Many people will argue that they aren't affected by watching something on television that they would never "live out themselves." But we must not be deceived. What we allow into our minds does affect our minds. 


As parents, what does this say about our responsibility to train our children in the use of their imaginations?


Their imaginations are always active. 


Are we offering them wholesome, encouraging, uplifting fuel for the insatiable appetites of their minds?


Their imaginations will be captured by something?


Are we being intentional about what that something is?


Do you know what your children are reading? Listening to? Spending time on? 


What is the value system of those who have created whatever it is that your child is fascinated by?


Our value system is reflected in what we create. 


If our children are reading, watching, absorbing things created by people who do not seek to glorify the Lord, is that truly what's best for our children? Especially when they are young, and their value system is still in the process of being formed? Especially when they do not yet have the spiritual discernment to recognize the schemes of the enemy that may be disguised in a book or game?


As parents, the Holy Spirit offers us the help we need to discern what is best for our children. All we have to do is ask and then be willing to allow Him to reveal Truth to us. 


There is SO much great stuff out there to capture the imaginations of your children. Of course, books are some of our favorite resources. And with the growth of homeschooling, many materials are becoming available again that have been out of print for decades. There is a wealth of historical fiction from a Christian worldview that is filled with adventure and truth and will capture the imaginations of your children. Biographies of great men and women are treasures that will bless the whole family. There is an incredible power in watching how people walk out their faith. 


Even if we haven't realized how easily worthless or even ungodly influences can creep into our home, the Lord will help us weed out and replace things with better choices. And, our children will acquire a "taste" for truly worthwhile things. That doesn't mean that our vigilance will not always be required, but it does mean that it will get easier as our "tastes" improve.


Our imaginations are intended to bring Him Glory. May we feed them properly.

Resolutely

Being shaped into something useful

It's the third day of January, and while we sat in worship Sunday, I was reminded of the verse in Luke where Christ is described as "resolutely" setting His Face toward Jerusalem and His appointment with the Cross. That word is so forceful, so determined. 


He had a mission and nothing on Earth or in Hell could prevent Him from accomplishing it.


How do I approach the "missions" I have been given?

• Daughter of the King
• Wife
• Mother
• Grandmother
• Mother-in-law
• Homeschool teacher
• Homemaker
• Sister
• Friend
• Shepherding couple at church

How seriously do I take these responsibilities, day in and day out? Am I expecting growth in my ability to meet each of these needs? Am I working at it? Studying? Praying? Learning? Or am I complacent, believing I "know enough to get by?" Am I content with the level of growth already attained?

Resolutely.

That word cannot be used with mediocrity. Apathy. Complacency.

I do not believe that thoughts just pop into our heads. I believe those thoughts have a source. 

The evil one loves to "zing us" with arrows of temptation, doubt, unrighteousness. And so when a thought enters my mind that is not holy, righteous, lovely, the source is definitely not the Spirit. It's either my sinful flesh or the enemy.

But when a thought enters my mind that challenges me to be more like Him, there can only be one Source: the Holy Spirit.

So when the verse from Luke entered my mind Sunday morning, the process of elimination immediately rules out two of the three sources, leaving The Spirit. And when He places something in my mind, I need to pay attention. 

Last year, the idea of focusing on specific words for the year helped me grow more aware of striving to become more Christlike in my thoughts, words, and actions. It helped to put the year and its events in context. 

Toward the end of 2011, it seemed there was little, if any, time to focus on the coming year. It was more about trying to keep up with the next thing on the list, with no wiggle room for contemplation. 

So, isn't it just like Him to speak to my spirit during worship on the very first day of the new year? What a Loving Father! What a patient Teacher! What Grace!

Resolutely.

We already know this year will be filled to overflowing with His Blessings. Our calendar for 2012 has several major family events on it, and we're only three days in. Kregg is less than a month into his new job and the learning curve is extreme. There's a wedding and trips to plan. There is so much that could distract. So much that could dilute.

But if I am to be resolute in learning what He has for me in the next twelve months, He must help me focus. He must help me be intentional. I love the analogy of a laser: light that is so focused, it can cut through just about anything. When His Light is focused in my spirit, change will come, growth will come. I will become a more effective tool in His Hand. I will be more disciplined, more aware. 

That all sounds so very serious.

And I must confess that I can be too serious at times. I can be too "shortest distance between two points." I can be guilty of missing the vast reserves of Joy in each and every moment of each and every day. I don't want to miss an ounce. Of the Joy or the Growth. 

So 2012 is, for me, a time to be resolute in focusing on Him and the jobs He has given me to accomplish for His Glory.

How does that affect the choices I will make in each of the roles He has assigned to me?

The key will be prayer. Prayer. Prayer. Prayer. That is the only way for me to be resolute. He will call me to prayer. And He will meet me there and change me. It gives me such an exciting sense of anticipation! I truly feel like a very significant journey has begun. I pray I will not be distracted.

Practicing A Work Ethic

Caleb is home from college and we are drinking in his presence. Our house is filled with Joy because he is here. Ben can hardly stand to be more than a foot away from him. After all, he almost shriveled up and died when Caleb left. It's precious to see the love in his eyes when he looks up at his big brother.

This semester has seen so much maturation in Caleb. He has learned many lessons about time management, the dangers of procrastination, and how easy it is to go through all that money he earned during the summer that was supposed to last him through May. :)

I wrote about it in the "Pages in Our Heritage of Faith" Link Up for tomorrow, but a huge impression has been made on Caleb by watching the process of Kregg changing jobs this month. Caleb has seen how Kregg's diligence, hard work, and integrity have earned him a position of incredible responsibility and trust. 

He came home from college ready to work. 


Kregg offered to pay him to do several things around the "Conderosa" during his break and he has been "up and at 'em," working hard and with the heart of a servant. It is so precious. 


It hasn't always been this way. As much as we try to teach our children a strong work ethic, they still have to choose to "buy in." We can talk to them until we are blue in the face. We can impose consequences, offer incentives, model the behavior. But we can't change their hearts. The Holy Spirit has to change their hearts. And so we pray. We pray for that very thing to happen. And He will move on our behalf.


So much of our parenting comes down to that Truth, doesn't it? We can do everything we think of to "help" them make wise choices, have the correct values, practice godly habits, love the Word, but we cannot change their hearts. Only the Lord can do that. When I walk in that Truth, it helps me parent better. When I don't, it tends to end up in a "power struggle," my will against theirs. And that does not bear godly fruit in any of our lives. 


As a parent, the best I can do is to pray and trust the Lord, while modeling a life submitted and obedient to Him, and to provide encouragement and discipline, knowing that their hearts will be changed through His Power. Understanding that keeps my heart humble before Him, which allows me a greater influence over my children than if I assume a position of pride or arrogance. And I have been guilty of both, that's for sure. 


I am so very thankful He continues to work on all of us.  

The Essential Nature of Humility in Parenting

As we all seek to raise our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, the posture of our hearts is of critical importance.


As our babies begin to grow up and exert their "free will," the need for discipline becomes obvious. If we are wise, we will approach discipline with a humility of spirit. If we recognize our position as a sinner saved by Grace before a Holy God, we will be well equipped to provide proper, positive discipline for our kiddos. 


Instead of growing angry because of their wrong choices, we will be able to speak Truth to them in Love for the purpose of conviction that moves them to repentance and restoration to a right relationship with us, and through honoring us, with Him. 


Without proper humility, this is impossible. Discipline doled out from an attitude of pride will not have the same impact. When I harbor pride in my heart, I am thinking of myself. I am irritated that my children are not abiding by my wishes. I am embarrassed because I believe their poor behavior reflects badly on me. I am frustrated that my expectations have not been met.


When discipline is administered in pride, it can provoke a poor response in them. They sense in their spirits that I am the one offended and, since they know first hand that I am a sinner, they can feel justified in their hearts for a sinful response to my wrong motives. This doesn't excuse them. But it is my responsibility, as a parent, to model for them the proper relationship to authority. When I do, they receive discipline from me differently.


When parenting from a humble heart, the grief felt over our children not living up to the Lord's Expectations is recognized by their spirit. They come to understand that they are responsible to the Lord for their obedience and that we, as parents, are simply the Lord's "agents" to help teach them to walk humbly before their God. 


Walking in humility of spirit before God requires parents to follow the Biblical admonition to keep a clear conscience before Him. So when I sin before my children, I need to confess my wrong choice and ask their forgiveness for setting a poor example for them. Our integrity is essential. Our children know if we are "walking our talk." If we hold them to a different standard than we hold ourselves to, they know that. Yes, they are still responsible for choosing well, but my influence with them is damaged.


Humility in parenting does not in any way mean you are lax in your requirement that their obedience is instant, cheerful, and complete. In fact, there is actually more "power" in the gentle and quiet condition of your spirit when you are truly humble before the Lord as you lead your children to Him through your daily example, than there is in screaming, ranting, or raving at them.


I haven't always done this well. I am so thankful He continues to teach me how to be a better parent. I am so thankful He redeems all the times I haven't disciplined in Love.

A Tragic Tale

He had only been coming to our little church for a couple of months, but loved it. His parents said he had never felt as at home as he did with our young people. 


When I got the text Saturday morning, I wasn't even sure at first which young man he was. 


It didn't matter. 


When you hear that someone has chosen to take their own life, even if you didn't know them, your heart breaks. How could a sixteen year old, a talented musician, athlete, popular, happy son/brother/student/Christian reach the point that he welcomed death? There were apparently no clues. No hint of what he was contemplating. Everyone said he was the last person they would ever guess would take his own life. 


I think about his poor mother. They had worked together to clean the pool, then shared a pizza for dinner. She had gone to fix him some hot chocolate. As she was taking it to him, she heard a pop and thought something had fallen. She had no idea what she would find when she went to her son.


And then there are his dad and sisters, who had left town to watch the high school championship football game. Even though they kept his body going for a few hours, his dad and sisters didn't make it back before he was gone.


There have been seven suicides here in the last month.


Those left behind always ask themselves what they missed? What could they have done? Why hadn't they known what was coming? Could they have said anything that would have prevented it?


A few hours after he died, there was a gathering at church of the youth and several adults. We cried and prayed and loved on each other. But we also spoke Truth out loud. 


We have an enemy who seeks to destroy us.


We must recognize that his goal is to isolate us so we believe we are alone.


He tries to burden us with shame that causes us to withdraw from others.


Our Father is always seeking to draw us nearer to Himself.


Any guilt we feel because of sin in our lives is intended to bring us to the point of repentance and confession so that there is nothing "between" us and our Father.


NOTHING can separate us from the Love of Christ. NOTHING!


Nothing we can do will cause His Body to stop loving us.


The Lord will always provide a way for us, no matter what.


We were created for Life.


We were created to reflect His Glory here so that others may come to know Him.


He IS SUFFICIENT for whatever concerns us today.


He is bigger than any problem we could ever encounter.


There are people who love you and will help you.


Suicide is NEVER the best choice.


He has plans for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future.


As His People, we need to be looking for those in pain, reaching out with Love. We need to go deeper than just a "How are you?" We need to be vulnerable and open about our struggles and problems. We should never be guilty of painting a false image of ourselves as problem-free and perfect, for then we close the door to ministry. 


As parents, we must do battle for our children. We must ask the Lord for Wisdom and Discernment to see our children, or those whose lives we can speak into, as they really are. We need His Eyes to recognize the ways the enemy is attacking them. We need to speak Truth and Blessings over their lives, out loud and often. We need to talk about big issues. Our children need to understand that they can talk to us about ANYTHING, ANYTIME, ANYWHERE. We need to tell them that we love them, daily. We need to hug them and laugh with them and poke our noses into their business. Anytime we believe something like this CAN'T happen to our family or friends, we are deceived. We don't need to live in fear, but we do need to be alert, aware of the threats the evil one brings against us. We truly must pray without ceasing.


For the record, our family is NOT perfect. No where close! The story of our lives contains one messy, problem-filled chapter after another. I sin, our children sin. But He continues to Love us and make us more into the image of His Son. We love to live in His Light, but that doesn't mean we don't have to cry out to Him to beat back the darkness.  

Trebuchet Triumph

I learned something this week about my youngest son, Ben. And, I must say, it is a "game changer."


Background first. 


Thirty six hours after we met Josh (Sergey) and Ben (Oleg), they were our adopted sons and we were about to leave the orphanage in Magadan in far eastern Siberia. The orphanage director was giving us a brief, as in two sentence, summary of the character of these two little guys, who now shared our name but whom we didn't know at all. 

She explained how Joshua was like Cinderella, willing to work as hard as he could just so someone would love him.  Then she said Ben believed he was a prince and could get away with anything if he would just smile big enough.


YIKES!


When we got home, we learned just how astute her summary had been. 


Ben didn't want to do anything that he deemed "too hard." At first, that encompassed almost everything. 


I remember getting out the Duplo blocks (giant sized Legos) for the boys to play with because they would be easily understood without a language barrier. He was six years old, but he sat in the middle of the family room floor with a block in his hand, crying like a baby and sliding the block across the building base over and over and over again. It was too hard. He wanted someone to build it for him. Needless to say, he did not get what he wanted. Life, as he had known it, was over.


He wasn't planning to learn English, either. He was going to continue speaking Russian and have Joshua serve as his translator for the rest of his life. You think I'm joking? Nope. 


When we were able to begin their schooling, it was the same story. Everything was simply too hard. He didn't want to put forth any effort and he fought every step of progress we made. It has basically been the equivalent of dragging him along. For seven years. Granted, school is hard for him. And there are things he will probably never be good at--that's okay, as long as he does his best.


We required the kids to learn their math facts before they could start our math curriculum. Guess who learned them last? Yup! That's right. No matter what we tried, they just wouldn't stick. We tried flash cards, drills, worksheets, manipulatives, rewards. IT TOOK YEARS! And there was NO progress! I began to think that maybe he was just not able to learn them. Finally, I figured out that he was bluffing. 


We were planning one of our epic road trips and the cousins were coming along with us. The kids LOVE traveling with cousins. Everyone rides with everyone else and the miles just melt away. Knowing how much he was looking forward to that, I told Ben that if he did not learn his math facts by the time we left on our trip, he would be required to ride the entire 4600 miles in our vehicle working on his flash cards. And I was dead serious. A week later? He knew all his facts: addition, subtraction, multiplication and division! Now, without constant drill, they still aren't automatic. In fact, he has to stop and calculate almost everyone of them while working his problems. We may very well be dealing with some fetal alcohol syndrome, but he still has to learn to do his very best at every job he's given.


Fast forward to the past couple of weeks. 


Our little group of young people at church have been in a great study on Sunday nights. As part of the study, they completed a spiritual gift assessment. Of course, the accuracy of the results depends a great deal on understanding the questions and so we tried to explain any terms with which they were unfamiliar. 


Interestingly, the area Ben scored highest in was craftsmanship. Hmmm . . . Didn't really fit with what we had seen for the past 7 years, but we felt we needed to simply wait and see.


We didn't have long to wait.


As we prepare for the arrival of the cousins and the commencement of festivities in celebration of Thanksgiving, we thought having our own little "punkin chunkin" experiments would be great fun as a group activity. I ordered two trebuchet kits of very different design so the kids could learn about the physics involved in the different models. How difficult could it be to build them? They're only two or three feet tall, after all. We could add their construction to our already formidable list of preparations to be made. No problem.

When the box arrived, I wondered what on earth I had gotten myself into! These are the parts for just one of them!

This is the first one, completed.

And here is number two!


And guess who became completely and thoroughly engrossed?! Guess who took the very complicated instructions and read large parts of it himself and assembled complete sections without any help? The same young man who has absolute FITS with word problems in math! He was amazing! 


Not only did I see something completely new in him, so did he! It was so precious. He realized that he could do this. Even though it had many intricate steps and pieces, he understood what to do and how to do it! You should have seen his face! There was a new maturity and confidence in him that gives me such hope. 


He said, "Well you know, Mom, it is one of my Gifts." 


A switch flipped.


I think this will be one of those serendipity moments in his life that he will always be able to look back on and recognize that everything changed for him while building trebuchets.


Thank You, LORD!!

My First Son-In-Law: A Link-Up in "Pages in Our Heritage of Faith"

Hannah, our oldest daughter, turned 24 in September. Before she was born, we began praying about her husband. We asked the Lord to prepare a godly man who would honor Him all the days of his life. A man who would love her as Christ loves the Church and who would pour out his life for her and wash her with the Word.


The Lord answered that prayer in such a mighty way in giving us Jeremiah. He loves the Lord and seeks to glorify Him with everything he does. He loves Hannah with all his heart and blesses her by providing spiritual leadership and covering over her, their home, and their son. 


It is such an exciting thing to watch him learn to be a father. He asks big questions. He wants to learn wisdom. He wants to be intentional. He longs to bless his son with a godly home and heritage. 


Hannah has blossomed in his great love. Watching them together is like seeing a fairy tale come to life. But it's not a fairy tale. This is real. They are allowing the Lord to direct every aspect of their lives. They spend time in the Word and in study. They spend time in worship and in dreaming. They pray. 


And we give thanks. For what He has done to bless our family in such a precious way. 


He will be very embarrassed when he finds out I posted this. :)

It's time for another link up in the continuing "Pages in Our Heritage of Faith." This is when you get to jump in and testify to His Faithfulness in your life!!!! Tell us your story. Old or new, earth shattering or heart changing, it's all a testimony to His direct and faithful involvement in our lives. It strengthens our faith when we focus on what He has done. We need to be taking notes. We need to be paying close attention. Our families need strong heritages of faith to withstand the war waged against them by the enemy of our souls. Our children will be blessed by our faithfulness in recording these stories. 


If you've never linked up before, it's easy. In the right sidebar, there is the "button" you see above. Underneath is a white box that contains the "code" to add the button to your post, so that others can join us here. Click inside the box, then hit "control" and "a" together--that will "select" the entire contents of the box. Going back to the post you are going to link, click on the "Edit HTML" tab. There will be a bunch of gibberish that tells your post to look like it does. Scroll down to the very bottom of all of that code and click in a spot after the last character or even on the next completely blank line. When you are there, right click and select "paste." Go back up to the "compose" tab and click on it--it will return you to the normal view of your post and if you scroll down to the bottom, the button should appear there. Buttons sometimes don't automatically go to the center, like they should. If that happens, click on the button and a little menu will pop up. Click on "right" and then "center" and it should move right where it's supposed to be. Once you have your post all ready and published, click on the "Linky" link below and it will take you through the steps to link your post here. It will ask you for the address of your post. You get that by right clicking on the browser window for your post. Just make sure it's for your specific post, not your blog, so people can find the post for this linky. Hope that helps. It's really not hard. And you CANNOT mess anything up by trying. I promise. :)


So, here goes! I'm so excited to hear your testimonies of His Faithfulness in your life! Thank you so very much for sharing here. It is such a blessing!!

The Situation is Urgent

I copied and pasted this text directly from the email alert I received so the links in the body of the message are  not active. But all the information may be found at the website.

ParentalRights.Org sent out this in email form today:

-- November 1, 2011

A chilling report from Brazil should serve as a warning to all American parents. Recent events reveal what happens when a nation abandons its traditional constitutional standard of parental rights and adopts the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child (CRC).

On October 19th, the Education and Culture Committee of the Chamber of Representatives in Brazil unanimously rejected a bill that would have legalized homeschooling in that country. Families who dare to homeschool in Brazil are prosecuted and kept under government surveillance according to a recent story by Julio Severo on LifeSiteNews.com.

Severo’s article traces the text of the Brazilian Constitution which contained provisions in the 1937, 1946 and 1967 versions that specifically affirmed the home as a place of education for children. However, the 1988 Constitution quietly removed these provisions at the behest of “leftist politicians,” according to Severo.

This Brazilian journalist exposes the role that the CRC has played in this attack on fundamental parental rights.

[An]other serious threat to the families’ rights in the education of their children has been the Child and Adolescent Statute (CAS), which is a direct product of the United Nations Children’s Rights Convention. CAS imposes many state interferences in the Brazilian families and their children, especially in the educational and health issues. CAS has been used by the Child Protective Services of Brazil to enforce the state ban on homeschooling, harass families and their children and put them under legal hardships.

Finally, Severo calls for a new constitutional provision for Brazil to restore the traditional protection of parental rights in education.

The parallels to the United States are unmistakable. The rights of parents to direct the education of their children were traditionally recognized by the U.S. Supreme Court as a high-level constitutional right. However, recent decisions of the Court have undermined that traditional standard and have unleashed a flood of federal appellate cases declaring that parental rights are lower-level rights which may be easily overridden by the government. Justice Scalia heads the list of jurists who have proclaimed that parental rights are not legally protected at all.

At the same time, there are twin threats of the United States adopting the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. The Obama administration has repeatedly called for the ratification of this dangerous treaty which would supersede all state laws about families including laws which give parents control over the educational and medical decisions of their children. Meanwhile, the Supreme Court and lower federal courts have shown an increasing tendency to employ this UN treaty as valid legal precedent despite the fact that it has never been ratified by the Senate.

We must not be the last generation of American parents who are truly free to raise our children.

It is time to tell Congress to stop stealing our children’s future. It is bad enough that they have buried our children and grandchildren in debt for tomorrow so that they can buy votes today.

We cannot sit by and watch America become Brazil. We cannot passively tolerate the erosion of our constitutional rights while the courts and the diplomats conspire to force us into a regime of international law.

We must fight groups like the ACLU and Planned Parenthood who have attacked the Parental Rights Amendment. And we must educate those we would call friends who simply fail to recognize the absolute imperative of protecting the traditional sovereignty of the American family. These other groups have millions while ParentalRights.Org’s annual budget is under $500,000.

Despite our tiny budget, we are the organization that successfully prevented ratification of the CRC. However, we have only stopped it for this term of Congress. The only permanent solution to all of the threats we face is the Parental Rights Amendment.

I urge you to do three things.

First, call both of your U.S. Senators and urge them to become original co-sponsors of the Parental Rights Amendment. Senator Jim DeMint from South Carolina has agreed to be the lead sponsor. (Find their contact info by clicking on your state at ParentalRights.Org/States.)

Second, call your Representative in Congress and urge him or her to become an original co-sponsor of the Parental Rights Amendment. Rep. Trent Franks from Arizona, who chairs the Constitution Sub-Committee, has agreed to be the lead sponsor.

Third, please make a generous donation of $50, $100, or even $500 to Parentalrights.org. Whatever you can give will sustain our efforts in this crucial time.

What you do today will determine the future for generations to come.Will we have a family-based culture? Or will we, like Brazil, turn all decision-making over to government officials who think they know best?

It is urgent that you act right now. Important meetings are taking place in Congress even as I write that will affect the Amendment. Please don’t close this email or webpage before you pick up the phone and call.

America or Brazil? It’s your time to act.

Michael Farris
President, ParentalRights.Org

Providing a Framework for Young Hearts

As parents who love the Lord, we all desire our children to grow up into godly men and women who will honor Him and bring Him great Glory through the way they walk this earth. Admittedly, that goal is a lofty one. In fact, it can seem completely unattainable as we wrestle with the sin nature that rears it's ugly head sooner than we could have ever dreamed possible in our precious little darlings. 


And yet, as we read biographies of great men and women of God, we have testimony that it is indeed possible for these little "sinners" to grow up to be true reflections of Christ. But, how do we get there from here??! 


I must confess right up here at the front that I DON'T KNOW! I am still learning so much! But He has taught me so much! And some of that is what I hope to share here.


I remember going through LaMaze classes while expecting our first born. The labor and delivery went so fast! And there she was! Our precious Hannah, sent to us from above. I was in Love. And as the adrenaline continued to course through my veins, I remember walking around my hospital room unpacking and straightening things up after they brought me back to my room, while awaiting her arrival from the nursery where they were doing their initial screenings, etc.  And when the door swung open, an older nurse wheeled the little bassinet into my room while I beamed. 


Then the nurse spoke, "Honey, you are gonna have to sit on this child!"


To say I was a little taken aback would be a major understatement. I was outright offended. How dare she! 


Hahaha! I was so naive!! She knew exactly what she was talking about!! That very experienced nurse had seen enough babies that she pegged mine as incredibly strong willed from her first appearance in the hospital nursery. I had NO idea what I was in for! As we arrived at home, unlocked the door and made our way inside, we set her little carseat down in the middle of the living room floor. 


It was at that exact moment I had this overwhelming sense of panic well up inside me as my heart was screaming, "WHAT NOW??!!! WHAT ON EARTH DO I DO WITH HER NOW?" They had taught me all about birthing her, which seemed at the time so very important. But now what?? No one told me what to do next?


Well, I am happy to say that the Lord was and is Faithful! He took us from that point and Faithfully walked by our side, teaching us how to raise our children. I truly mean it when I say that I have probably gotten more wrong than right since that September day in 1987. And the reason I say that is not to be self deprecating, but to testify to His Sufficiency. I, who knew NOTHING about how to raise children, now have children who love the Lord and seek to spend their lives serving Him. So be assured that you, too, can reach your goal of having godly children. 


When Brandee asked me to write this post, she said she was looking for words that focused specifically on training our children to follow His Principles, and in so doing, becoming what they were Designed to become. That spoke to my heart because it is exactly the journey the Lord has guided us on. And is still guiding us on! Remember, I have 6 children who are still living here!!! :)


I think the foundational Truth that has impacted our parenting is that:


Every thought, word, and action reveals the heart. 


Understanding that gives a framework for our method of raising children. We deal with things in terms of character. That may sound simplistic, but Truth is quite simple. And so, when a child became old enough to understand right from wrong (which, by the way, is very young for many of them), we began to require obedience from them. Even before a child turns one, they may exhibit defiance or compliance. And from the time your will as a parent is challenged, you must engage the battle. 


The willingness to do this depends on our understanding that these precious little ones are born with a sin nature. They do not learn it "after the fact." Man is not inherently good. Man is inherently evil. Our children come to us with the seeds of sin in their hearts, and depending on the child and how God "wired" them, that sin nature may make itself known pretty early. Are they guilty of sin at that young age? No. But the makings are there and so the training begins from the earliest opportunity.


As soon as they are able to understand your words, talk to them about the "whys." When you talk to your children, discuss character qualities. Even toddlers can understand concepts like patience and kindness and service. And when you start from the beginning, or wherever you are in the parenting journey when the Lord reveals these things to you, they learn quickly what these traits look like. Instead of saying something like, "No, no. We don't do that," say instead, "It was unkind of you to take that toy away from your brother. You are being selfish. To be like Jesus, we are supposed to be generous with our things and share." By naming the character qualities, good and bad, children learn to look deeper than just the "surface" of their actions. They learn to label the motives of their own hearts.


In the same way, when I become impatient or grumpy in front of the kids, I need to confess in specific terms to them, labeling the character qualities by name, all the while pointing to the Lord as the One to whom we are responsible. When our children see us being accountable to the Lord, they learn that these are not just "Mom & Dad's Rules." It's much more serious than that. They see us taking our character seriously and they learn to take it seriously. 


When things in the family are dealt with on this level, it provides a strong framework for us to build into our children an understanding of God's Plan and Purposes for each individual. When we consistently point them to the fact that we are accountable and responsible for our choices before the Lord, it is an easy connection for them to see that He has Plans for them. 


The talents, giftings, and abilities He Designed into their beings help reveal what He desires to accomplish through them. Those unique aspects of their created beings are specially crafted by their Loving Father so that they may use them for His Glory. And when they are trained up from a young age to look deeply into the motives of their hearts, revealed by their character and seen through their choices, they learn how important it is for them to yield all to Him so that they can walk in the fullness of His Purpose for their lives. 

Every parent knows that each of their children is naturally gifted in certain ways. One of your children may be very creative, expressed through artistic talents, while another may show no artistic bent at all. That simply means their gifts lie in another area. When your child shows an interest in a specific area, encourage it. Feed the flame. Help them sate their curiosity in productive, meaningful ways, always pointing them to the Lord and His Design for their lives. Help them understand that the things they are good at are an indication of the direction He would like them to pursue in their service to Him. Give them a Big Picture view by telling them that you want to help them learn what He Designed them to become. Help them understand that they have an important role to fulfill in the Body of Christ and their giftings meet a specific need for the Body's role in the world. Pray with your child for discernment in what He Designed them to become. Model for them the seeking of His Face for direction and insight.


As a parent, you want to commission your child to accomplish his/her "mission" for Him. A sense of their Purpose, a Vision for their lives will give them a mighty defense against the lies and schemes of the enemy. That enemy will try to convince our children that they are worthless instead of priceless, incompetent instead of gifted, aimless instead of filled with purpose. By building into their spirits the Truth of who they are, they will more readily recognize these lies. By helping them walk in Purpose, they will be able to choose activities and friends that will help them accomplish that Purpose. By training them to recognize the motives of their own hearts through instruction in character qualities, they will learn to love Truth. They will learn to desire Truth in the innermost places of the heart. They will learn to accept responsibility for each of their choices and the consequences they set in motion, for good or evil, when they make a decision. 


So much of parenting in our nation over the last generation has not been based on Truth. It has been based on relativism and humanistic principles. Even those called by His Name have been deceived. As parents, cry out to Him for Wisdom and Discernment. He will supply it in abundance. He is the answer to whatever your question is in how to train your child up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Ask Him to help you. Pray for your children everyday. Many times everyday. Ask the Lord to help you see who He Designed them to be, He knows them perfectly. Ask Him to help you touch their hearts and stir up in them a love of Truth that will stand against all the onslaughts of the enemy. Beg Him for Wisdom to teach your children that their own worst enemy is not the evil one, but it is their own sin nature. 


And ask Him to help you live a life worthy of your calling to parent. Sit before Him and allow Him to show you the areas in your life that are in conflict with His Will. We cannot do our very best to train our children when we are not walking in the center of His Will, dependent on His Wisdom. 


If all of this sounds a little overwhelming, start simply by praying everyday for Wisdom and Discernment. Ask Him to help you desire Truth in the innermost places. Then know that He WILL answer! He WILL move on your behalf!! He WILL show you how to be a better parent tomorrow than you have been today. Trust Him. For He IS Trustworthy. He will bless us as we seek to honor Him through the raising of these children. 

This was written as a guest post at Smooth Stones a few weeks ago. As our world is consumed in preparation for the Tabernacle Experience event coming to us, there is no time for writing, so I thought I would offer it here as a stand alone post. I hope your week is going well! :)