A Tragic Tale

He had only been coming to our little church for a couple of months, but loved it. His parents said he had never felt as at home as he did with our young people. 


When I got the text Saturday morning, I wasn't even sure at first which young man he was. 


It didn't matter. 


When you hear that someone has chosen to take their own life, even if you didn't know them, your heart breaks. How could a sixteen year old, a talented musician, athlete, popular, happy son/brother/student/Christian reach the point that he welcomed death? There were apparently no clues. No hint of what he was contemplating. Everyone said he was the last person they would ever guess would take his own life. 


I think about his poor mother. They had worked together to clean the pool, then shared a pizza for dinner. She had gone to fix him some hot chocolate. As she was taking it to him, she heard a pop and thought something had fallen. She had no idea what she would find when she went to her son.


And then there are his dad and sisters, who had left town to watch the high school championship football game. Even though they kept his body going for a few hours, his dad and sisters didn't make it back before he was gone.


There have been seven suicides here in the last month.


Those left behind always ask themselves what they missed? What could they have done? Why hadn't they known what was coming? Could they have said anything that would have prevented it?


A few hours after he died, there was a gathering at church of the youth and several adults. We cried and prayed and loved on each other. But we also spoke Truth out loud. 


We have an enemy who seeks to destroy us.


We must recognize that his goal is to isolate us so we believe we are alone.


He tries to burden us with shame that causes us to withdraw from others.


Our Father is always seeking to draw us nearer to Himself.


Any guilt we feel because of sin in our lives is intended to bring us to the point of repentance and confession so that there is nothing "between" us and our Father.


NOTHING can separate us from the Love of Christ. NOTHING!


Nothing we can do will cause His Body to stop loving us.


The Lord will always provide a way for us, no matter what.


We were created for Life.


We were created to reflect His Glory here so that others may come to know Him.


He IS SUFFICIENT for whatever concerns us today.


He is bigger than any problem we could ever encounter.


There are people who love you and will help you.


Suicide is NEVER the best choice.


He has plans for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future.


As His People, we need to be looking for those in pain, reaching out with Love. We need to go deeper than just a "How are you?" We need to be vulnerable and open about our struggles and problems. We should never be guilty of painting a false image of ourselves as problem-free and perfect, for then we close the door to ministry. 


As parents, we must do battle for our children. We must ask the Lord for Wisdom and Discernment to see our children, or those whose lives we can speak into, as they really are. We need His Eyes to recognize the ways the enemy is attacking them. We need to speak Truth and Blessings over their lives, out loud and often. We need to talk about big issues. Our children need to understand that they can talk to us about ANYTHING, ANYTIME, ANYWHERE. We need to tell them that we love them, daily. We need to hug them and laugh with them and poke our noses into their business. Anytime we believe something like this CAN'T happen to our family or friends, we are deceived. We don't need to live in fear, but we do need to be alert, aware of the threats the evil one brings against us. We truly must pray without ceasing.


For the record, our family is NOT perfect. No where close! The story of our lives contains one messy, problem-filled chapter after another. I sin, our children sin. But He continues to Love us and make us more into the image of His Son. We love to live in His Light, but that doesn't mean we don't have to cry out to Him to beat back the darkness.  

Link Up Day is Tomorrow!!

Thank you to all who have shared a "Page in Your Family's Heritage of Faith." What a blessing they have been to me! As the "work week" winds to a close, would you consider sharing with us tomorrow? As we testify to His Faithfulness in our lives, He is glorified and our faith is strengthened. As we collect these stories, we are building a precious heritage for our families. Imagine the blessings that will flow out of the faithful recording of these testimonies for the future generations of your family. I love to think of my grandchildren reading the stories of His Faithfulness in the lives of their forebears. That's what this link up is all about: encouraging each other to diligently record the stories of His Faithfulness in our lives as a blessing to those who come after us.


So, until tomorrow . . .

Book Review: Family-Based Youth Ministry

". . . teenagers learn best when they are surrounded by those who know more than they do, namely their own parents or other adults in the church."


This is the premise on which this vision-casting book for youth ministry is based. Mark DeVries has ministered to youth for years and the principles in the book were borne out of his frustration in making a lasting impact on the students that went through his "youth group." Even the ones he thought had been radically changed during the years of his ministry rarely went on to become adults who were maturing in their Christian walk. The ones who did grow into vibrant Christian adults were almost exclusively ones on whom his ministry made little impact. He says they would have grown into mature Christians even if they hadn't gone through his program. Why? Because they each had mature Christian adults, usually their parents, who were engaged in their lives. 


Out of this revelation, DeVries decided to completely refocus his view of ministry to youth. The program that he now facilitates is one that focuses on creating and enriching cross generational relationships within the Body of Christ. 


"The Christian faith becomes real to most teenagers not because of rational arguments for Christianity or because they try like crazy to hang on to what they believe, but because real people live out the gospel in what may seem like very insignificant ways."


So much of "youth ministry" today is "program-based." One of my favorite chapters in the book was examining Christ's ministry and recognizing the differences between it and what we come up with today.


"It is startling to realize the lack of programmatic focus in Jesus' ministry. He had no organizational chart, no planning team, no curriculum, and no ten-year long-range mission statement. Jesus' first priority in calling his disciples was 'that they might be with him.'" (Mk 3:14)


We all learn best by walking alongside the one we are learning from. There's no clear-cut, neat and tidy package that can be developed to create an assembly-line that will "turn out" mature Christians. We need to "do life together." We need to focus on the mentoring aspect of relationships. That's where the deep life lessons and principles are learned that provide a framework on which maturity can grow. 


"For most Christian teenagers, Sunday school and youth group have become a substitute for spiritual training in the home. Interestingly enough, the Sunday-school movement itself began as an outreach to unchurched poor children. Its founders never intended for it to take over the role of Christian parents."  


Parents must be taught, reminded, encouraged to take up their God-given responsibilities to train up their own children. Children who belong to families where this isn't going to happen need other mature Christian adults to come alongside them and take on the role of mentor. The ministry model that DeVries proposes in this book is based on developing these deep and lasting relationships wherein teenagers learn how to live the Christian life by watching adults do it. By talking to them and asking questions, they learn Truths that can take root and grow into a mature Faith. All of that growth is the Lord's Work. Our work is to sow and water into these young lives. 


"In the final analysis, though, family-based programs provide only the context for healthy connections to be made. It is the caring attentiveness of the older generation to the younger that is likely to make the most significant difference in the lives of the teenagers we touch, an attitude that can affect our youth much more deeply than our programs."


There is so much packed into the 250 pages of this book. If you want statistics, there are statistics. If you want anecdotal examples, it's full of them. If you want specific examples of implementation, there are pages and pages and pages of ideas to begin. The book is a complete package and I think anyone who longs for youth to grow into maturity would be blessed by reading it. My sweet husband is planning to read it and we hope to share it with others.  Hmmmm . . .  I wonder if I can get bulk discounts. :)



#31 in the challenge to read 52 books in 52 weeks. 

Read 52 Books in 52 Weeks

Reading Another REALLY Good Book!

"During the last century, church and parachurch youth ministries alike have increasingly (and often unwittingly) held to a single strategy that has become the defining characteristic of this model: the isolation of teenagers from the adult world and particularly from their own parents."   Mark DeVries


Too often, our children, the children of The Body are growing up simply to walk away from the Church, or living only mediocre lives lacking in power and victory. That is not our heritage in Christ!


This book delves into the reasons behind the problems we face in growing our children up and maturing them in the Faith so that they live vibrant, radiant lives reflecting Christ to a lost and dying world.


A full review will come later, after I actually finish the book, but for now, a few morsels to chew on:

The thing that impresses me most about America

is the way parents obey their children.

Edward, Duke of Windsor (1895-1977)

Adolescence has become a waiting period 

of enforced leisure with few responsibilities and

little or no meaningful contact with adults.

Adolescent Rolelessness in Modern Society,

A report of the Carnegie Council on Adolescent Development

Ours is the only era in the entire history

of human life on this planet in which the "elders"

of the tribe ask its newer members what the tribal rules

and standards of expected behavior would be.

Paul Ramsey, Ethicist, Princeton University

More often than not, children are learning major value systems in life

from the horizontal peer-culture. The vertical structure is not there

in adequate increments of time or intensity to do the job.

Gordon MacDonald

The Effective Father

The culture of the electronic media prescribes perpetual adolescence

and consumption as developmental ideals.

Indeed, perpetual adolescence and consumption constitute the

twin-pronged gospel of these media.

Quentin J. Schultze Et Al.,

Dancing in the Dark

Each of these quotes is taken from page 34 of the book, at the opening of Chapter 2! Ring true? Curious about the rest of the book? 

Me, too!

Who Are Your Heroes?

Ed McCully, Pete Fleming & Jim Elliot, missionaries to Ecuador

As we hear about another famous person whose personal morals finally brought them to public disgrace, it should cause us to ask ourselves about the standards we set for elevating someone to the status of "hero."


As our nation slips further into a post-Christian mentality, the standard is constantly slipping. The label "hero" used to be reserved for those whose character was above reproach. Heroes were those who exemplified the very best in "human nature." Those who displayed courage, leadership, wisdom and moral purity were looked up to and emulated. 


As our culture has shifted from the worship of God to the worship of entertainment and fame, those who are looked up to often have very little in the way of commendable character. Riches and glory have taken the place of wisdom and honor. Physical talents and abilities have replaced character qualities as the traits most admired. It matters very little how these people behave or what they believe, as long as they entertain and amaze us.


How does this apply to parenting? 


Intentionality in valuing character above fame needs to be woven into the fabric of our family values. Our children need to see us honoring those whose character deserves honor. They need to see us choosing as our heroes those who are godly men and women of faith. We need to be telling them the stories that aren't told any longer about the Christian heritage of this nation. They should be reading biographies of missionaries and martyrs. Or better yet, we could be reading them out loud as a family and discussing the character each story reveals. 


We also need to help them learn to cut through the propaganda of the media that focuses on ungodly character. We should encourage them to look for those in sports who display honor and courage and faith, even if they aren't the biggest "star" on the team. Television shows, if watched, need to be carefully chosen to affirm character qualities that honor God. We cannot be deceived into believing that it doesn't "hurt" us to watch things filled with sex, crude humor, language, and violence. What we allow into our minds impacts our spirits. We have to stop being willing to compromise with personal holiness simply to be entertained. 


Intentionally choose heroes for your children to admire. And don't be mistaken. They will admire someone. Wouldn't it be better for you to help them choose heroes worthy of honor?


As always, the Lord has been reminding me of this because I need to hear it again. And again and again. I am so glad He is such a patient teacher, because I am a slow learner. :)

The Gratitude List: April 25

Things I'm thankful for this week:

1372. The fun the girls had with Jeremiah and Hannah's dog, Posh 
1371. Mackenzy bringing a friend to church

1370. Kregg has the heart of a teacher

1369. The blessing for Jeremiah and Hannah of another baby shower

1368. The fact that boys are learning such a great work ethic
1367. Seeing all the projects the kids helped with
1366. The fun the kids had with Hannah and Jeremiah this week
1365. Lingering hugs after several days apart
1364. The time to go and pick up the four youngest kids

1363. Silly husband faces

1362. Silly Caleb faces 

1361. Happy flowers
1360. Caleb passing his motorcycle license test (I think it's a blessing)

1359. A gift for Caleb from a friend (I'm trying to think positively :)

1358. An afternoon spent with prairie dogs 

1357. A precious Seder dinner
1356. A thunderhead on the distant horizon, hoping someone is getting
         rain
1355. A tender precious heart fighting hard to truly surrender the future
         into His hands
1354. Forgiveness humbly requested for the failure to give honor
1353. The joy of my children walking in the Truth
1352. A precious phone call from a loving, concerned friend
1351. The cry of a mourning dove
1350. Dinner with sweet friends 

1349. An amazing assortment of leaves
1348. Shepherding hearts praying for the Body
1347. A phone call telling me Caleb won an essay contest with a $500 prize
1346. Several days to spend in quiet thought
1345. The chance to help my son-in-law with a project
1344. A precious phone call from Hannah telling me what a blessing her
         four youngest siblings are to her

Loading up to leave

1343. Hannah and Jeremiah wanting the four youngest to come for a visit
1342. A relaxing dinner out with Kregg
1341. A quiet house 

Here's the rest of my list.

The Ministry of Parenting

Jesus, as He walked this earth, modeled the life we are to live. I love the saying I heard years ago, I cannot remember where:

Jesus Called 12

Graduated 11

And Focused on 3

What does that mean to me?

What should my ministry look like?

Jesus ministered to the multitudes on many occasions. That ministry profoundly changed many lives. But His primary focus was on His disciples. And the way He did this is so instructive. He could have set up a "school" where he had hundreds of students taught in a lecture format. After all, He knew He would only be here for a short time. Wouldn't it be more efficient to teach large numbers of people so they could have a larger influence on more people faster? That's what most experts would probably have recommended.

He didn't do it that way. Instead, He called twelve men to walk beside Him and watch Him live. They "did life" together. They ate together, slept together, walked together, talked together as He trained them to accomplish the purpose He had for them. The entire time they were together, He was influencing them, directly through His Words and indirectly as they observed Him interact with the world. To truly change hearts, it would take intense, focused attention and training. That normally isn't accomplished through "mass production." Complete transformation in His immediate circle would have an exponential effect not possible by a "lesser dose" with a greater audience. 

So what does that mean for me?

I believe my ministry is to focus on a few at a time, those He specifically gives me. It is not a misuse of my time to spend intensive resources on a few for the season He defines. Yes, I can speak into other lives in limited ways as He directs, but if I go out and try to "gather" more than the number He sends, do I risk the impact that He intends me to have on the few? Do I really believe I can "disciple" more effectively than He did? 

And, here comes the exciting part: for this season of my life my primary focus is on my children. As a mother, I believe I am responsible first and foremost to disciple the children He has made me responsible for. For this season my primary circle of influence is my own kids. As I am focused on these children, He often brings someone to me for a small window of time and the kids get to observe how He asks me to minister to someone else, but the focus of this season doesn't change.

It is tragic to see how many parents allow other things to take the place of their primary field of ministry during the formative years of their children. Ministry is often allowed to take precedence over parenting. The Lord never asks us to serve in ways that interfere with the primary responsibilities He gives us. That is a tool of the evil one. That sounds harsh, especially when those "other ways" are ministry related. But if parents allow themselves to be pulled away from the training and nurturing of their own children to minister to someone else they are missing their primary calling. And there will be consequences. 

Some people believe that if they see a need, they are the one who is supposed meet it. That is not necessarily the case. Many times well meaning people, out of a true desire to help, step in where they are not supposed to step in. As parents, when we see a need that will involve a significant investment of time, we need to ask the Lord if He is putting it on our list. If the answer is "yes", the Grace will be provided to minister to that need without neglecting our primary area of focus. If the answer, however, is "no" then, no matter how good our intentions, the Grace will not be available to accomplish that specific thing without negative consequences in our primary responsibility to our children. 

The principle of the "seasons" in our life has to provide the filter for our commitments. During the season of parenting, we should not add any responsibilities He does not specifically give us. We can't add something to the life of our family just because it's a "good thing." If it does not enhance our ability to effectively accomplish the main goal of the season we are in, then it is not supposed to be added to that season. 

Often times, when we take on an "ill-fitting" thing, we are actually interfering with that need being met in a more productive way. If we step in when the Lord was actually calling someone else to minister to that specific need, we can interfere with many potential blessings: the blessings for the person who was supposed to minister in that area, and the blessings of that need being met in a more fruitful way. Often, we step in to relieve the "tension" created by a need. What we have to understand is that just because we feel that tension doesn't mean we are the one who is supposed to relieve it. God often creates that tension specifically to move the one He is actually calling to meet that need to step up and engage it. If we step in without His specific instruction to do so, the person who He was calling can miss out on that opportunity.

It all comes back to recognizing the primary responsibility for the season of life the Lord has us in. Nothing He calls us to do during that season will damage our ability to faithfully, fruitfully accomplish that responsibility. Anything He does ask of us during that specific season will enhance our ability to accomplish that primary responsibility. 

So for us, this season of parenting defines our primary ministry. And any ministry opportunities that present themselves must be evaluated and prayed over from that context. If that specific ministry interferes with our parenting, then it is intended for someone else to do, or for us to do in another season of our lives. Intense, intentional focus as parents produces the fruit intended for this season. If I don't get this season right, His ability to use me in the future is diminished because of my lack of faithfulness here and now.

We need to ask the Lord to purify our schedules and our commitments. We need to ask Him to help us stay focused on what He has called us to now.

What season are you in?

What is the primary responsibility for that season?

Have you taken on things intended for someone else, or for another season?

Bill Gothard said years ago that our job is never to expand our ministry. Our job is always to deepen our message. The Lord will expand our ministry in His Perfect Timing for His Glory. 

Grow deep roots where you are. Grow deep roots so that the fruit He can bear through you is abundant and filled with Life. Your influence, under those circumstances, will be far greater than you can ever imagine. There is always time to wait on Him, to allow Him to teach you well in this season.

It's Too Heavy, Lord

You have probably heard someone say, "Be careful what you pray for." Why do we say that?

What if, instead, we prayed with reckless abandon? What if we just laid our lives before Him and said, "Here. Do with it whatever You desire."

No strings attached.


No qualifications. His Will, His Way, His Timing.

What would happen?

If we claim He has ownership over our lives, then isn't that how we have to pray? If He is in charge, we don't get to draw any boundaries for Him. We can't say, "You can have that whole section of my heart, my life, but don't come over here. This section is off limits."  But that is what we do. At least, I do. 

He is at work, though, growing my heart, giving me the Grace to want to learn to pray. I often drag my heels. My head still wants to qualify my prayers, make stipulations, hold back, add an exception here and there, "be careful what I pray for."

We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.   

C. S. Lewis               

He is waiting for me to open my palm and hold my life up to Him in complete trust and surrender. I am learning, but it chafes. I am learning, but the steps are baby ones. I often take back what I had given.

We are part of a small church that started a few years ago as a "plant." He has placed Kregg and I in a position of service there. And He is using this context to expand our spirits. He is revealing much. There have been numerous lessons. Many are about waiting, many about kneeling, many about dependence, and many about what is really in my heart. In His Faithfulness, He is deepening and expanding my faith. He wants to bring me to the place where I really trust Him. With everything. All the time.

And so my prayers are changing. And as I am learning, I don't always recognize His answers to these prayers.

A few days ago, I prayed again for Him to break my heart with the things that break His Heart. 

And then, my spirit began feeling heavy and sad these past couple of days. I didn't connect the dots. Painfully slow to "see", I didn't recognize His answer to that prayer. 

There are so many on my heart right now, so many in such agonizing pain physically, spiritually, emotionally (and all the other -ly words you can list). Then there are all those who are walking in spiritual blindness, unaware of their need. As He gives me the precious opportunity to listen to the stories, the hearts, the hurts, my spirit grew heavy. It all seemed overwhelming.

He showed Himself Faithful to answer my prayer, to trust me to bear the burden of the things that break His Heart, but I didn't recognize or respond correctly. And I allowed that overwhelming sadness to engulf me, so that I wasn't walking in joy, and I allowed it to affect how I walked before my family. Thankfully, He is patient. When my eyes were opened to the true nature of my heavy spirit, the solution was instantly obvious: Prayer.

He knows I cannot carry the burden He laid on my spirit. That's not what He was asking of me. There was no Grace available to carry it, that's why I felt such a weight in my spirit. I was simply supposed to do battle in prayer. I was simply supposed to lift each one He brought to mind, or to my door, or into this strange little corner of the internet, up to Him, knowing He is the only One Able to heal. I have no answers or solutions. There is nothing that I, of myself, can offer each of these precious ones He sets before me. I am completely unable to minister to the brokenness. But, if I lay it all at His Feet, trusting in Him to accomplish His Purposes, then the words are there. The path is clear. The specific prescription for each individual is filled through His Spirit in me. I can offer Hope because He will point them to Himself when I am surrendered. It does not matter how many dozens and dozens and dozens He puts on "my list." Whatever He asks of us, He has already provided everything we need to accomplish it. It is the loaves and the fishes all over again. And with each miraculous example of Provision, my faith grows. I can take another tiny step toward maturity in my spirit through His Spirit. Amazing! 


Holy Father,

Some days are really hard here. There are so many in pain. So many who don't understand Truth. And the price they pay for that ignorance is staggering. They live under such oppressive deception, Lord. The evil one loves to tell them they can't get to You. And You wouldn't want them if they could. They believe his lie that says what they've done can't be forgiven. That they are beyond hope. Might as well quit trying. Doesn't matter anyway.

Many have been rejected by Your Body, treated like lepers by the very ones who should offer them hope, who should welcome them and love them and be used by You to mend up their brokenness. And so they think that's the way You feel about them, too.

Some of them have actually made it into a church, but haven't found You there. They meet with others who "believe", but in what? It's hard to tell. How can this be, Lord?

And then there are those who actually do walk amongst the Living but seem unable to absorb the Light. Unable to receive the victory You have won for them. They hear Truth, but it doesn't take root in their spirits, bearing no fruit in them. Nothing changes about their lives except the title "Christian." How can this be?

Father, what about those who have received Truth and welcomed a piece of it, but refuse to die? They may "look" Christian from the outside, but their hearts aren't fully Yours. They simply try to be good people. They are working hard to maintain a certain facade, but their children grow up and walk away from You or their families self destruct. Their lives begin to crumble, but they hide it, until it spins out of control implodes. And those around, who thought they knew them, scratch their heads and ask how this could have happened. It's not supposed to happen to people "like them."

Oh Loving Father, please open our eyes, unstop our ears, give us hearts of flesh so that we seek You fully, holding nothing back. Use us to Love those You Love. Help us trust only in Your Wisdom and Provision. Teach us, purify us, open our hearts to everything You have for us. Help our unbelief. Help my unbelief, Lord. I cannot do it. Any of it. And yet you provide opportunities, repeatedly, so that You may bring Glory to Yourself. And so we praise You. We bless Your Holy Name.

And as You draw us near again to the time when we celebrate His Death, the laying of His shell of dust in the tomb, and that glorious Day when He conquered our foe forever, may we die, Lord. May we die to anything, everything that would cause us to climb off that cold bed of death in the tomb of self. May we allow You to fill us with the power of the Resurrection. May we be Life to the world, the walking dead.

Through Your precious Son,
Amen


                                                                                                                                   

A Gratitude Journal for Marriage

As my Gratitude List grows and my heart changes, the ripples extend outward. In listening to one of the chapter discussions on Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts, she made a comment in passing that made all the bells and whistles in my head go off. She mentioned making a gratitude journal with your husband!! I LOVE this idea. 

It reminds me of a story I heard once, I cannot remember where (and I may actually be combining multiple stories), about a husband and wife who were on the point of divorce. I don't know if it was a counselor or a friend who gave them some very wise counsel. They were told to make a list of everything they disliked about their spouse. That certainly was an easy job. Their pencils were smoking from writing so fast. They sure didn't want to forget something before they could commit it to paper. The whole time they were writing, they were feeling the delicious, self-righteous, holier-than-thou blood beginning to boil. They would certainly prove who was causing all the problems in their marriage with their list. Their lists each covered multiple pages.


As they finished, they were told to do something that left their mouths hanging open. "Tear your list up into little pieces and throw it in the garbage can." 


What?! After all that work?? Don't you even want to look at it? Can't I at least give it to my spouse? 

But, they proceeded to tear up all those angry words, all the accusations.

Now what?


"Make a list of all the things you like, are grateful for, in your spouse."

Silence.


This is a joke, right?

But, it was not a joke. So they sat back down and picked up their pencils. This was much harder. It took them a lot longer. These lists weren't very long. They covered less than half a page. But each of them did come up with a few things that were positive to say about this person they were ready to give up on.


The next assignment? Read the list at least once each day.

You already know the end of the story, don't you?

Their attitudes toward each other changed. Completely. Not only did they not divorce, they are happily married. 


Changing the focus changed their relationship.

So when Ann, just in passing, mentioned a journal to share with a spouse, I thought about that story. And I thought about how it could bless our marriage. How it could help us grow closer and deeper in love. 



I bought this plain little journal and told Kregg what I hoped we could do. I wondered if he would think it was silly. We have a good marriage, after all. But he was willing to try it. I wrote first. It was a little awkward, but I wrote something about him I am thankful for, put the date beside it and left it on the counter in our closet. With a pen. For the first couple of days, my entry was alone. He has been so very busy, I'm sure he just forgot about it. But then, sure enough, I opened it one day and there was an entry from Kregg! What a precious gift!

And so now we play tag back and forth. It's lovely. And I look forward to our next 25 years together, counting blessings and filling our journal with years worth of notes. I believe it will change us. It will deepen our relationship and that will bless our children. And someday when we are older and grayer, we can share our legacy of gratitude with our kids. And the ripples will continue, for who knows how long?
 

Desperate Need

The road can be so difficult to see

In our culture, we are bombarded by messages telling us to prepare for that glorious, magical point in our lives where we reach "retirement." On that blessed day, all work ceases. All our years of striving have finally brought us to the precipice of perfect peace and pleasure. From that point on, we are supposed to do whatever we feel like doing. We are to prostrate ourselves before the gods of comfort, convenience and recreation and spend the rest of our lives worshiping there. Oh sure, we will still volunteer here and there for some cause worthy enough to temporarily interrupt our frolicking fun. But the purpose of our existence is to enjoy ourselves and the "kingdom" we have created. 

Meanwhile, all those coming behind us are drowning. 

But that is no longer our concern. Right?

This couldn't be farther from the Lord's Plan for our lives. I love the teaching of Gregg Harris on the seasons of life. He explains the season of life when we have completed the intense part of building and the next one that follows is the season of hospitality. During this season, those of us who have reached that stage are to bless the lives of others. We are to practice the principles of hospitality, inviting people into our homes, into our lives so that we may serve them. This season of our lives has the potential to bear more fruit than any of the others. We are to share the lessons the Lord has taught us along our journey with those who are coming behind us, those who aren't as far down the road as we. 

Imagine what it would mean to a young mother, frazzled with toddlers and dishes and laundry, to have an older woman come alongside her and speak Truth and Love into her world. To walk along with her. To listen to the frustrations. To offer wisdom and Godly advice learned through having walked the same path years before.

Imagine a Godly older man asking a young father out to lunch, listening to the difficulties he is carrying, trying to provide for his family while also trying to love his wife, and raise Godly children. Imagine the older man cultivating a mentoring relationship with this young man over an extended period. 

Imagine an older couple being an additional set of grandparents for a young family, spending time with the children as well as the parents. Think about the rich conversations filled with time to ask the hard questions, filled with time for prayer and spoken blessings.

I have been in the motherhood business for 24 years now. During those early years, the Lord gave me friends who performed this function. I cannot tell you what those times meant to me. I learned so much. I was so blessed by their service to me. 

You don't have to be on the spiritual level of C. S. Lewis to bless a "younger" person, someone in an earlier stage. You simply have to be willing to spend time with them, listening, praying, encouraging. 

Just this morning, three ladies have sent me messages. In the past two days there have been others. The common thread between each of these women is the fact that they (we) all need someone who is farther down the road to share wisdom, speak truth, come alongside and describe the bends and bumps they will encounter in the future.

Now, as with anything else, there is a balance to this. Ministering outside this balance will not be a blessing to your family. If you still have lots of kids at home, your ability to minister is limited. It's a season. But, in small ways you can still look behind you and encourage someone. When, however, we get to the point where the kids are either on auto-pilot or gone, your schedule is much more open. For women, while making sure we are blessing our husbands, we need to ask the Lord to show us who He would put on our list. The potential for fruit will bless your life far more than one more leisure activity. 

There is a desperate need for mentors for each stage of life. So many people have been raised in homes where they were not equipped to walk with the Lord, to understand the principles that bring blessings into their lives. There are so many young families and young married couples who don't know what's wrong or how to "fix" it. They just know that their relationships are crumbling before their eyes. Without someone willing to come alongside them, many of these relationships will end in destruction. Or if they manage to hold the family together, the fruit being sown and borne in their home will only perpetuate the same types of dysfunction.

Our faith in the Lord is all about relationship. As we are taken into God's family, we are given the Holy Spirit, the Counselor, to dwell within us and be that guide and speaker of wisdom into our lives. This relationship is a model for other relationships in the Body. 

If you are at the point in your life where your responsibilities are no longer demanding all of your time, ask the Lord to use you to minister to someone coming behind you. 

There are so many people who are lost along the way. The road can be so difficult to see. Will you help? Will we, as the Body, help those who need us?

Your job is to speak out on the things that make for solid doctrine. Guide older men into lives of temperance, dignity, and wisdom, into healthy faith, love, and endurance. Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don't want anyone looking down on God's Message because of their behavior. Also, guide the young men to live disciplined lives.

                                                             From Titus 2 in The Message