Locked in a Campershell

When we were growing up, we didn't do a whole lot of outdoorsy things. But while the three youngest of us were in elementary school, we took a road trip to Colorado to go camping. Now our idea of camping was borrowing an extended cab pickup truck that had a camper shell on the back. Mom and Dad slept in the two bench seats in the cab and the we had the camper to ourselves. They had put a mattress in the bed of the truck and the three of us would sleep there and play while we were traveling. This was before mandatory seat belt laws.They would lock us in at night so no one could steal us.

We had many grand adventures, from exploring the ruins at Mesa Verde to staring into the depths of the Royal Gorge. One of the campgrounds we stayed in had a stocked trout pond. They were so thick you could almost walk across the surface of the pond on top of the writhing fish. It sure was fun throwing your hook in the water and having a fish latch onto it before it even got wet! The fish probably thought a frying pan was a step up in the world. 

Wanting to preserve our trophies, we kept the fish heads and tails planning to dry them and take them home with us. Mom didn't want them inside the truck, our home on wheels, so we laid them on the rear bumper over night. Of course, they were nowhere to be found the next morning and we were devastated. I'm sure the raccoons thought we had intentionally left them a midnight snack. 


Things were going very well until Dad decided that he needed to assess the condition of our intestinal health. He just assumed that when you traveled, you would become "irregular." Wanting to head off any possible problems, he had a very simple way to check how we were doing: he would have us stick out our tongues. If they looked "coated", we were on the verge of impaction. The solution? Immediate administration of a laxative.


On this particular evening, he diagnosed all of us to be in imminent danger. He gave us our medicine and locked us in the camper. We drifted happily off to sleep having no idea we were perched on the edge of doom. 


In the middle of the night, disaster struck! The three of us awoke abruptly requiring instantaneous access to a restroom. Alas, we were locked in! We started yelling for help, but help did not come soon enough. Dad found the key to the camper and hurried around to let us out. But by the time we were freed, it was too late for two of us. 


My poor mother was beside herself. Can you imagine her horror at being awakened by the screaming of her children to find them covered in unmentionable filth? Then there was all the bedding to deal with at a campground in the middle of the night! I thought she was going to wring Dad's neck. 


After that, constipation was considered preferable since we had experienced the alternative.