As our children grow into adulthood, the transition from being externally disciplined and guided by parents to being internally guided and disciplined by the Indwelling Holy Spirit can be a little bumpy. Or really, really bumpy, depending on the child. They are all on different schedules for this transition and the process can look very different between children who are naturally more compliant and those who are very strong willed.
From what we have seen, though, it always involves a death.
This isn't about salvation. That is already sure. It is about how usable they will be in His Service. Will they be one of those who are so emptied of self and filled with the Spirit that He is able to use them to have an impact on the world?
If so, they have to die.
As our kids have matured, there has been with each of the older ones a season of wrestling in their spirits. It may not be this way for all, but so far, we are 3 for 3. During this season of wrestling, they have at times challenged our authority as they have been asked by Him to die to their futures. They have at times become angry, resisting. And they have at times directed their anger at us, not knowing for sure what to do with it. When He asks someone to give Him all their plans, and dreams, and desires, it's hard to let go. It hasn't been easy to watch them struggle. We have repeatedly asked the Lord to reveal Truth, to give us Discernment so that we understand what is truly going on instead of simply reacting to externals. When we press in hard to His Father Heart, His Grace gives us the Peace to ride out the storms. But when our eyes leave His Face, all we can see are the waves, and fear takes over.
Still, He calls us back. He beckons us to that Peace. He whispers, "They are Mine. Trust Me."
And we pray.
And we pray.
And we weep when things are very hard, and we pray more.
Yes, they each are secure for Eternity. But what we are battling for is what their time here on Earth will look like. Eternal salvation is glorious, and we are forever thankful that they will be with Him there! We also long for each of our children to give Him everything here. For each of them to live a life that is His to direct as He sees fit. In everything. Because that is the fulfillment of His Perfect Design for them here.
While a precious heart stands at the fork in the road, one way leading to death of self, the other leading to walking by sight, we do battle for them through prayer.
And He Hears!!!
And He Answers!!
And we rejoice! Even as we finally start to breathe again. We rejoice!
Even if this is not the last battle fought for this particular "ground of the soul", we rejoice in His Victories, for they are precious and to be savored.
We are celebrating a Victory! A precious young heart had the heavens open to them today so that Truth was revealed and the dying to self welcomed as a Gift!
When our children are truly challenged to be "All In" for the Lord, death has to happen. Just like it does for us. We have to be willing to die to our plans, our future, our idea of what life is supposed to look like. When we allow Him to slay us, bringing us to a place where our will is completely surrendered to His, then we are worthy of His Use here, to accomplish His Purposes here.
This young heart has been struggling with walking by Faith, wanting to receive "a map of the road that lies ahead." Instead, He keeps whispering, "Trust me. You can trust me. You don't need to 'see.' Just die. Lay all your dreams and plans before me. Let them go. I know what you truly need."
Trust that He has a Plan.
That He is Worth it ALL.
Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.
So we have been praying. Praying that this young heart would lay all plans, hopes, dreams on the altar and allow Him to put them to death. So that out of death, He might bring forth Life, abundant Life: the Reality of His Plan for the time spent on this earth.
This surrender has come hard.
Even though the realization of the inevitable had come, the wrestling still continued.
Because there was no answer to the "How," "When," "Where," "Who," "What?"
Today, this young heart requested my presence (while weeping), in the bedroom. The request prompted me to begin praying, not knowing what to expect as I walked down that hall. I asked for Wisdom for whatever it was.
He had a surprise planned.
The reason for the invitation was so I could listen to a song. It's called, "Silence" and it is about those seasons when prayer seems to be without Answer.
At first I was unsure how to interpret why I was being asked to listen to it. Was this more wrestling? Did I need to remind what was being asked of this precious young heart? One more time.
After listening to the first few words and thinking to comfort was needed, I whispered, "The answer won't always be Silence."
The response?
Through the weeping, this precious one said, "No, Mom. Something clicked. Even if the answer always is Silence, it's okay. It's okay."
The death of self. Trust in Him alone. And, of course, I wept.
Silence
by Joy Williams
Are you listening
To anything that I say
'Cause I been praying
How many prayers can I pray
I'm still waiting
Maybe You'll show up today
I know You're here, but I can't feel You
And if You're speaking, I can't hear You
How much longer will this last
Chorus: So okay Answer me with silence
It's okay if You don't say a word
You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet
So okay
Answer me
With silence
Why do I question
Your intentions for me
When Your affection
Is a proven legacy
Oh Father, Father
Turn my fears into peace
I know Your love will never leave
I know You want what's best for me
You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet
Oh, it's okay
If You answer me with silence
And it's okay if You don't say a word
You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet
So okay
Answer me
With silence
(There are a couple of typos in the lyrics in the video. One was significant--in the last line of the first verse, it should be "Maybe You'll show up today." The lyrics on the video say "show off today.")
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