"Big Sister Mackenzy"

When Caleb was born, Hannah was 4 and Mackenzy was 2. Both the girls had been rather unpleasant babies. (Sorry, girls, but it's the truth.) Hannah screamed for the first 7 months of life--no it wasn't colic, she was just very stubborn. Mackenzy slept for the first 3 weeks of life and I was lulled into a false sense of tranquility. At 3 1/2 weeks, she woke up and made up for lost time. She needed stitches three times before she turned 2 years old and I still carry butterfly bandages in my wallet in her honor--just in case! But that is a story for another day.

I explain all that to preface this: when we found out we were expecting Mr. Caleb, I made a request of the Lord. "Lord, I don't care if this is a boy or a girl. Please help it to be healthy. And can this one PLEASE be calm??"

Caleb was indeed a contended, happy little feller. He just smiled and ate and slept. He was rather round and his head was the size of a bowling ball. Okay, that may be a slight exaggeration. It was more like a cassava melon. Anyway, he was just as cute as he could be and we really enjoyed him being such a good baby. Having lived through the first few years with the girls, our gratitude for his good nature was sincere.

Hannah and Mackenzy were very attentive big sisters. They loved to help take care of their new brother. We realized quickly that their judgment needed some guidance. We caught Mackenzy trying to carry Caleb around when he was just a few months old. He wasn't sitting up yet and so she just grabbed him under the arms and picked him up. She was only two and so his feet were almost dragging on the ground. I told her that she could not pick him up, she would have to let me do that.

One day as I was holding him I noticed a large sore at the back of his head. I was shocked! I couldn't figure out how on earth he could have hurt himself! It looked horrible. By the next day it had formed a nasty looking scab. I was completely clueless. How could this have happened without me knowing about it??

The mystery was solved the next day. I had put him on a blanket in the den where I could watch him while I worked in the kitchen. I was working on the dishes when I glanced up and noticed that Mackenzy had come in to play with him. She didn't know I was watching her, although I doubt it would have mattered. She reached down and grabbed his little ankles and started pulling him across the carpet! I ran in the den and asked her what she was doing. 

She said, "I want him to come play in my room and you told me not to pick him up."
The poor little guy had a giant carpet burn on the back of his head!!!  OUCH!!

The Lawn Mower Man

My sweet husband has been teased for years about the tale I am about to tell. He made me promise to let him approve it before I let the world read it and I have honored that request.  It's such a great story, it really does deserve a broader audience.


Kregg grew up outside Abilene, Texas on two and a half acres. His family are all hard workers that can turn their hand to just about any task. When things needed to be done, they just took care of it. If they didn't know how, they would find out. They are still like that.


When we got married, we followed the same game plan. If something needed to be repaired or built or whatever, we would just take care of it. Our first little house had plumbing problems, so Kregg just dug it all up and fixed the mess. It never crossed our minds that there needed to be a permit or an inspection to tie into the main in the alley. Out in the country, you just took care of it. So he just took care of it. He did a great job, too. Dug a 60 foot trench, replaced all the sewer pipe making sure he had the grade just right, connected it to the main line and covered it all back up. Never gave us another bit of trouble. 


He taught himself to build furniture, too.  We had a little one car garage that he used for his projects. He built everything from cooling racks for the kitchen to a baby bed for each of our babies. I could just tear a picture out of a magazine and he would build it. It really is amazing. 

Anyway, the point I am trying to make is he is a man who analyzes a problem, comes up with a solution, and then carries it out. He doesn't think anything about it, that's just what a man does. 


When we moved to the house we have lived in for the last 16 years, we had to make a few adjustments. Our yard is one acre. The first season or two of mowing, we managed with a push mower. In fact, I remember carrying Caleb around on my shoulders when he was a baby while I mowed the yard. He would sit on my shoulders and I would hold both his ankles in one hand while I pushed the mower with the other. Sure glad he was smaller then!


When we could afford it, we decided to buy a riding lawnmower. Kregg researched the different models, asked his dad's advice, and picked out the one he wanted. It was at Walmart. We went to look at it after church one Sunday morning and he decided to just go ahead and buy it. We didn't own a truck or trailer at that point and so I asked him how we would get it home. Silly question, Anne.  He said, "I'll just drive it home." 


At that time, Walmart was about 4 miles from our house. (They have since built one just 2 1/2 miles away.) He bought a gas can, went across the street to get some gas, came back and filled the thing up. My job was to take the kids home, feed them their lunch, and get them down for their naps. He would be there in a little while. I was a little concerned, but knew he would figure out a way to take care of it. Of course, this was also before we had cell phones. So I left him at Walmart as he prepared to embark on his journey. 


I didn't get really worried for a while, but after an hour and a half, I began to wonder where he was. The babies were asleep so I couldn't go find him. I was supposed to be helping with a baby shower and it was getting close to the time I needed to leave. I kept thinking that any minute I would hear him coming. I finally hopped in the car and drove to the end of the street to see if I could see him coming. Sure enough, there he was. It ended up being about two hours after I left him at Walmart that he finally pulled into the driveway. No big deal, right?


Well, for the next two to three weeks I had the same strange thing happen over and over and over again. A friend would come up to me with a sheepish look on their face and hesitantly say, "Anne, was Kregg driving a . . . riding lawnmower the other day?" Followed by an awkward pause. "We were on Mockingbird/Midkiff/Midland/Briarwood/etc. street and we saw someone who looked just like Kregg, in his church clothes on a riding lawnmower."


Of course, I would start laughing again and explain why they had indeed seen my husband out for a Sunday afternoon drive on our brand new, bright red, riding lawnmower.

The Lord Gives and the Lord Takes Away, Blessed Be the Name of the Lord

This is when we were first introduced to our new sons.

Our trip to bring Josh and Ben home was quite an adventure.  The logistics leading up to our actual departure are now mind numbing to recall. The Lord is so very Faithful to walk us through anything He asks us to do. But from this perspective looking back, it is truly amazing to realize how perfectly all the pieces of this massive jigsaw puzzle fit together.

When the Lord told us to adopt these little guys, he gave us a clear path to follow. That was so Merciful of Him, because 2004 was a really tough year. We were in the middle of remodeling our house, we already had five kids to take care of, there is a mountain of paperwork required for an international adoption, and my mom died.

Mom had been sick with Alzheimer's for several years. Dad had taken care of her as her condition worsened, but when she quit sleeping at night, he needed help. He had always said he would never put her in a care facility, but at one point toward the end of 2003, the Lord prompted me to start doing research into potential options. I didn't say anything to any of my siblings, at first, or to Dad. I just started making calls and searching online. I wasn't sure what I was looking for, but I just needed to know what was out there.

When Dad finally said that things were not working, I broached the subject. I went to Ft. Worth and, with two of my sisters, visited the places I had kept on the list of possiblities.
Nothing worked. None of the places could make all the pieces fit.

I went home and was crying out to the Lord for direction. "What do I do, Lord?"

"Midland", He said.

I sat in stunned disbelief. Dad would never pick up and move to Midland.

Of course, I immediately started looking in Midland. All the doors flew open. My first choice here had an opening and they could take Mom. Of course, the Lord had already provided everything I needed. I called Dad to broach the subject. He said, "Okay. I'll come." Yes, my jaw did actually hit the floor.

At that point, the flood of "to do's" started. There were several legal matters that needed to be arranged: Powers of Attorney, Medical Powers of Attorney, bank accounts, etc. There were lots of medical things, too. I had to find her a doctor here and get all the paperwork filled out, transfer all of her records, figure out all the insurance issues. We also needed a place for Dad to live. The Lord provided a nice little apartment right down the street from where Mom would be staying. It was perfect.
 
It was February of 2004, when everything was arranged. I drove to Fort Worth and brought Mom back to Midland. The Lord surrounded us with a host of angels as we traveled. There were so many questions that I just didn't have answers for. He Faithfully guided me through. Mom was very confused and there was nothing I could do but pray. We spent the night in a hotel in Midland that night because our house was not safe for her.

At one point that evening, I had gotten her to bed and she was actually sleeping. I thought that if I could just jump in the shower for two minutes, I would have a much better outlook on life. Thankfully, I heard the door to the hall open. Even though I had locked everything on the door, Mom had gotten it opened. She was in the hall and was not planning to come back in the room. Wrapped in a towel, I finally got her back inside. I was shaking all over. What if I hadn't heard the door? What if I hadn't been able to get her back in the room?  I moved furniture to block the door, but had to watch her the whole time.

The next morning we drove to her new home. It is a beautiful place and the staff were very helpful and gentle. It was so clean and bright and cheerful. They had special things every day for the patients to participate in. But it was still one of the hardest things I have ever done. It was all I could do to finally walk out the door and leave her there. The tears are flowing again as I remember. If there had been any other way . . .

Several days later, my brother and sister-in-law brought Dad to Midland. He was going to keep the house in Fort Worth, so he only brought what he needed for the apartment. Our Care Group from church came and helped us move him in. Everything went like clockwork. It was all just a miracle. There is no other explanation.


Dad would spend everyday with Mom. He took very good care of her and did everything he could to help her. I know it was hard on them, but they handled it all very well. We visited them often. Mom's sisters even made a long bus trip to come and see her. We had a grand time! We hated to see them leave. Had it been up to us, they would still be here!!  We made such wonderful memories in those few days. That time we had together was a special gift from the Lord. He knew what lay ahead.


Mom moved to Midland toward the end of February. Toward the end of July, I received a phone call in the middle of the night. They called to tell me that an ambulance was on the way to pick Mom up and take her to the hospital. She had contracted an infection and because the symptoms were somewhat masked by the Alzheimer's, it was very serious by the time it was caught. She was septic by the time she was admitted to the hospital. Standing in the emergency room, I knew in my heart that she would never leave the hospital.


They fought the infection very aggressively, but after a few days, she was moved to the Hospice floor of the hospital. When they moved her to her new room, I somehow ended up in the room alone with her for a few minutes. She had not really been alert for several days prior to this, but when I leaned over her bed, she opened her eyes and I knew she was "there." I stroked her hair and told her I loved her. She said, "I love you, too." That was the last thing she ever said to me.


My sister and I would stay the nights and Dad would be there during the day. After several days, my sister had to go home. I didn't know what we were going to do because we were scheduled to leave for Russia for the adoption in just a few days. You can't just reschedule a court date and a visa and your embassy appointments. I knew I couldn't leave with her in the hospital. I kept praying, but He had already provided a way.


One morning, I had just been home from the hospital for about an hour when Dad called and told me she was gone. As hard as it was to say goodbye, I was so happy that she was finally free and whole and in His Presence.


Once again, the Lord put all the pieces together. We packed up Dad's apartment, with the help of our Care Group, and drove him and his stuff back to Fort Worth for Mom's funeral. It was a precious celebration of a life well lived. We were surrounded by people who loved her and us. There are no words that can express the ministry of mourning with those who mourn. To have loved ones touch your heart as you sorrow leaves a mark on your spirit forever. It's a precious bond that transcends any other aspect of a relationship.
We returned to Midland and prepared to leave for Russia.


Before Mom had entered the hospital, we had almost finished tiling the den. It was the last part of the remodeling we needed to complete before we left to get the boys. We knew that once we brought them home, we would be in a very intense season of adjustment. There wouldn't be time for tiling for a while. We were laying slate tile which has to be sealed after it is grouted. I had sealed the same tile in the halls and study, but when we finally finished tiling the den and I put the sealer on, I put it on too thick. It dried milky instead of clear. It was a complete disaster. I called a flooring place to ask advice and they told me I would have to remove the sealer and redo it. I rented a big buffer and put a very abrasive pad on it, but it just could not get the sealer off. I called another place and they offered to have someone come look at it. He came and told me that he would take care of it. I think he sensed my desperation.


The next day, he brought a crew to my house. They spent all day on their hands and knees working to remove that sealer. They finally got enough off to be able to reapply a different sealer and be finished with it! I almost wept. I couldn't "gush" enough telling them how much I appreciated them. I told them they were an answer to my prayers.
Anyway, we finally left for Russia. We had dotted the last "i" and crossed the last "t" on all the preliminary forms. Every page that went to Russia had to be notarized and then sent to Austin to be "apostilled" (notarizing the notary). We were required to take $14,000 dollars in new bills to complete the adoption. We hid it under our clothing. No, there was nothing illegal about it. This was just what Russia required. In addition to the cash and paperwork, we also had to take gifts for lots of different people. There were gifts for the school board members, gifts for the court officials, gifts for the orphanage staff, gifts for the children. It was pretty overwhelming. Not to mention, we had to take everything the boys needed to come home. The orphanage couldn't spare anything, not even their underwear.


Kregg's Dad came to stay with the five kids we were leaving behind. We flew from Midland to Dallas, from Dallas to New York, and from New York to Moscow. We spent a few days in Moscow to do part of the embassy work. We also got to spend a day sightseeing. Our precious adoption agent, whom we never even met, had a hand-picked person to guide us through each stage of our journey. They would meet us at our hotel and take us wherever we had to go. It's a good thing, too, because the subway in Moscow is not for the faint of heart.

We flew into Magadan on a Thursday morning and our facilitator met us at the airport. She took us to the orphanage to meet the boys. You just can't imagine the conditions in Magadan. It was like stepping back in time. When we arrived at the orphanage, we were shown into a little room. Sergey and Oleg Naumov were brought in and introduced to us. The picture at the very top of this post is from that moment. Of course, everyone was shy and it was kind of awkward, but that didn't matter. We got to spend a couple of hours with them that afternoon. Our facilitator went with us and interpreted. We saw the sights of Magadan. Quite a story there: Magadan was the headquarters of Stalin's Siberian Gulag. Prisoners were brought there by rail or ship to work in the silver mines. Most of them never came out. Stalin made Hitler look like a schoolboy.


That evening, after we dropped the boys off, we went to the home of our facilitator to be prepped for court the next morning. She told us what we could and couldn't say. She helped us understand what to expect.


On our way to court, our facilitator told us we needed to give someone a ride. We stopped and picked up a woman dressed in a military uniform. We didn't really know who she was, but we tried to be friendly. As the proceedings began, we were a little nervous in our souls, but our spirits were at peace. Kregg talked for a while, pausing for translation. He began talking about our children. He went through the list of their names and  birthdays. I was thinking, "Why is he telling all their birthdays?" I would find out later. The main issue that we were questioned about was the number of children we already had and why we wanted two more. We tried to help them understand our motivation for adding to our family. The judge was satisfied and approved the adoption. After only an hour, we had grown to a family of nine!!

After the proceedings ended, the woman we had given a ride to came up and asked me if there were any more men like my husband in America. She asked if I would please send them to Russia. She explained that in Russia, a good husband is one who doesn't drink "too" much or beat you "too" often. She couldn't imagine a father who cared so much about his children that he could actually recite all their birthdays!! Unbelievable. We were later told by our facilitator that this was the one woman we had to worry about. If anyone was going to make trouble for us it would have been her. The Lord moves in mysterious ways. I'm glad I didn't know that before court.


We got to spend a couple more hours with the boys that afternoon. Now they were ours! The next morning, our facilitator took us to the airport with the boys. She waited until the last minute before putting us on the plane and said this, "I need to tell you something. When you get on the plane, it will become obvious very quickly that you are foreigners adopting these boys. You may get lots of really mean looks."


"Why?!!!" I asked.


She replied, "There have been rumors that you people come over here to adopt children only to take them back so they can be used as organ donors."


We were in shock. Here we were about to board a plane with 300 Russian speaking people for an 8 hour flight across 8 time zones and they were all going to think this??? Not to mention, we had two little boys we didn't know who only spoke Russian. At this point, we had only spent a total of about 5 hours with them and it had all been in the presence of a translator. Needless to say, we PRAYED.


We nervously boarded the flight, packed in like sardines. She was right, it wasn't long before our fellow passengers realized why we had been in Magadan. But instead of hostile, angry looks, there were only smiles. Every time a meal was served, extra food from those sitting around us was handed between the seats. People wanted to share their food with the boys. They would give us the food and point to the boys and smile. Beautiful smiles that communicated what no words could. He is our Protector.


There was so much more that happened on the trip, I could go on forever, but one common thread wove it all together: The Lord was with us. He provided everything we needed before we knew we needed it.

We landed in New York City and went through Immigration. The boys were now American citizens! We landed in Dallas and were met by lots of family members. Kregg's brother and sister in law brought the boys their first cowboy hats. My sister's family and my brother's family brought presents, too. Dad was there to meet his new grandsons. It was wonderful.

Meeting their new family and friends at the airport in Midland

Finally, we made it back to Midland. It had only been 10 days since we left, but it seemed like forever. We were greeted at the airport by a whole room full of friends and family with banners and balloons and presents and hugs.

And that is how we became parents to two little boys from far eastern Siberia!!! Oleg is now Benjamin Oleg Conder and Sergey is now Joshua Sergey Conder. Wonder what the Lord has planned for them as they grow up? Must be something amazing!!

Honor Your Father and Mother

     My heart has been quite heavy over the past few weeks. In pondering the cause, I have come to the conclusion that I am grieving over the loss of things I thought certain. This analysis has revealed that my basic premise is flawed: I have taken for granted that my children will grow up in a world  resembling the one in which I grew up. That is no longer a given. The very foundations of our culture, having eroded over the past several decades, are collapsing about us.

      Last weekend, I was blessed and inspired through a writing workshop I attended. During this workshop, Andrew Pudewa of the Institute for Excellence in Writing and Andrew Kern of the Circe Institute, spoke about much more than teaching writing to children. They identified what I believe to be a major reason for the implosion of our culture. I am paraphrasing their point: When God was removed from our schools/culture, He was replaced by Relativism. The vacuum caused by the removal of Truth could not escape being filled by a destructive imitation. Without Absolute Truth, there are only shades of gray. If my understanding of Truth makes you uncomfortable, you are free to define it in a way that makes you "happy". 

     This sounds all warm and fuzzy, but it could not be more destructive. We are created in God's Image and reflect His Nature, even if we deny His Sovereignty. We cannot reject our nature without causing a dichotomy in our souls. There has to be a resolution to this condition, or we will go mad. A house divided against itself cannot stand. So the choice that presents itself is: what do I reject? Do I reject my true nature, or society's definition of my nature? 

     Unfortunately, in an effort to reject God's Sovereignty in our lives, we must explain away all of His Evidences in the world around us. I believe our spirits recognize their Creator in the world around us even if we deny His Existence. The resulting worldview  rejects Absolute Truth, right and wrong, and leaves us with nothing on which to stand. The very foundation of our lives is not stable and enduring, but in a constant state of flux. I know what I believe until someone explains it away by "superior" reasoning. Then I have to start over with part of my "foundation". The uncertainty of never really knowing if I've hit bedrock begins to build a state of anxiety into my soul. Will what I believe be a proper framework for my worldview? Will it allow me to explain the world around me?  Will it endure?

     Over the last few weeks, I have heard story after story of young people being destroyed or destroying themselves. I have wept over them, even though I didn't know them. I am convinced that we have not given them, as a society, the tools they have needed to live. My generation is still able to stand on the very last vestige of our Godly heritage as a nation. The blessings of the righteous generations that have gone before us created a firm foundation that has, until now, been able to sustain us, even as we were chipping it away. This is no longer the case. My generation has not had a firm commitment to Truth and many people I know cannot really explain why they believe what they think they believe. Our children have eaten that fruit. They have been denied a foundation on which they can stand in the name of tolerance. They are not allowed to say something is right or wrong, because they may offend. Their spirits know what is right and what is wrong because it is written into their very nature by their Creator, but they must deny that knowledge. They truly can not tell which way is up. How can they survive?  What is left to them but to deny the truth in their spirits and live for what is here and now? There is no Life in that type of existence. And many times, out of complete frustration, they decide it's just not worth it: just make the pain stop.

     In growing up, I was given the invaluable blessing of being raised by parents who declared Truth. I knew what they believed and why they believed it. Their worldview has withstood the test of time. It has proven reliable in every single situation. It has never wavered one iota. I am able, because of their Godly influence, to know what I believe and why. And to know that Truth does not change. It is applicable to every moment of every day. My understanding and comprehension of Truth deepens, but its nature has never changed. The recognition of error in my thoughts is corrected as I am emptied of self and filled more fully with Truth. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever!!!! Is there anything else in our world today that can measure up to that standard? 100% of the time? 

     We live in a world where everything is considered temporary, transient. The new improved version of whatever is just around the corner. It's enough to make our collective heads spin. When we look around and see chaos, He tells us: "Be still and know that I am God." How refreshing! How reassuring!! What Peace is whispered to my soul. I don't have to rebuild every time a new "explanation" comes along. My foundation is Christ. He is the Cornerstone, Architect, Builder of my life.

     Thank you Mom and Dad!! My gratitude continues to grow. Even when we have disagreed on "details", I have known that you were seeking to honor Truth. I have known that you always had my very best at heart. You taught me that there is Right and Wrong. It is not some ambiguous, fluid situation. As a parent, I want to continue to build on the foundation you placed beneath my feet. I want to give our children the ability to stand firmly on Him. As the cultural storm worsens, they will not be set adrift.

                                He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
                                out of the mud and mire;
                                he set my feet on a rock
                                and gave me a firm place to stand.
                                              Psalm 40:2

Which End is Up? And How Do You Know That??!

                                                                                                                                                           (image from:  CoolNotions.com) 

To say that I am directionally challenged is a gross understatement. Thank you, Lord, for giving me a patient husband.

My dad used to try his best, as I was growing up in Fort Worth, to teach me the compass points. He has an internal compass. I don't. I can't even have one surgically implanted, because my body would reject it as alien matter. Dad would insist on giving me directions in "north" and "west", thinking that, if I practiced enough, I would eventually get it. My brain just does not work that way. Spin me around a couple of times, and I have no idea which direction I started from.

Thankfully, I live in a small city, and have lived here long enough to actually know where everything is located. When we first moved here, though, Kregg bought me a city map and put dots on it to indicate the location of our house, the grocery store, etc. Not even kidding!  We lived in Amarillo for the first five years of our married life and I distinctly remember the huge sense of accomplishment I felt one day, as I was trying to go somewhere I hadn't been before, and I found myself actually on the right street. That sense of success was fleeting because, even though I had made it to the right street, I had no idea which direction to turn on that street. And, of course, I usually guessed wrong the first time and had to find a way to turn around and proceed in the opposite direction.  At least it did get me in the habit of leaving early for things.

I remember one time I was given a seemingly impossible task, but I really thought I could pull it off. I was supposed to drive from Midland to Dallas and pick Kregg up at Love Field. I grew up in Fort Worth and I had driven to Love Field several times. I would have thought that I could get there one more time.  The kids and I left Midland in plenty of time to drive 350 miles and pick him up in front of the airport. Well, I couldn't retrace my path to save my life, but I somehow ended up in South Oakcliff after dark. Love Field is no where even close to South Oakcliff. This was a neighborhood I remember hearing about in the news all the time when I was growing up. Lots of violent crime. 

It was almost time for his plane to land. What now?? This was before cell phones. (Yes, I am that old!)  I kept driving around looking for anything that seemed even vaguely familiar. Then I saw a city work crew! I parked the van, locked it, got out and went up and asked for directions. Of course, they laughed when they realized how lost I really was. They kindly gave me directions and I proceeded happily on my way. I pulled up in front of the terminal just as Kregg was walking out! Yes, I too was amazed.

When we first moved to Midland from Amarillo, the city of Lubbock (strategically placed halfway between) used to give me fits! One evening we left Amarillo to drive the four hours to Midland. I was going to drive so Kregg could sleep. There's only one road to Lubbock from Amarillo, so I navigated that leg of the journey successfully. Kregg was sleeping soundly and it was really late when I hit Lubbock. I got on the road he had told me to get on and that part was just fine. The only problem was when to get off? I was on a loop around Lubbock and, you guessed it, I somehow missed my exit south to Midland. (Notice my confident use of "south.") Anyway, I had been driving in a circle around Lubbock for too long. Things started to look familiar. I had made the whole loop around the entire city of Lubbock and was back at the road to Amarillo (the one heading north!). Well, the second time around I found my exit and headed merrily toward home. Kregg slept through the whole thing! When we pulled into our driveway in Midland, we went in and went straight to bed. I didn't really think my scenic detour worthy of mention. I thought I had actually gotten away with it without his knowledge until the next day. He, being the human computer, just happened to notice there were too many miles on the car's odometer!! How does he do that??? He came in the house and said, "Anne, is there anything you would like to tell me?"

My most infamous story of misdirection, however, I share with my sister, Stephanie. She is similarly afflicted. The two of us setting out on a road trip should have scared even us. Nope!

Stephanie planned a ski trip for us to Vail, Colorado. I was still in high school and she lived in Kansas City. I completed the first leg of my journey from Fort Worth to Kansas City by letting someone else drive: Greyhound Bus Line. That, in itself, was quite an adventure. It is amazing how long it takes to go from one city to another if you stop in every little town in between. By the time I reached KC, I felt like I had already circumnavigated the earth.

Stephanie, not having children, has always driven cool vehicles. At this point, she had a red convertible Alpha Romeo. We strapped her skis to her rear bumper with bungee cords. They were too big to fit inside the car, where else could we put them?  They stuck out on either side of the bumper. Oblivious to impending doom, we jumped in the car and were off. How hard could this be?  I-70 goes from Kansas City straight to Denver.

We were having a grand old time singing along with the Beatles and munching on yummy stuff out of our ice chest as we buzzed down the highway. We had no map, didn't need one of course, and so we were keeping up with our progress by the tollway punchcard.  When we got to the last punch on the toll card, I told Stephanie to ask the lady in the toll booth how far it was to Denver. We were on the stateline between Kansas and Colorado. Or so we thought!  "Denver!" she said. "You are on the Oklahoma border!" We had been going south, not west for hours! Neither of us had a clue.

Well, no matter, we would just make up for lost time! We turned ourselves around and headed toward our destination.  If we hadn't taken a detour of several hours, we would have missed the blizzard.  As it was, we landed right in the middle of a white-out. We were in far western Kansas. The snow was coming down so thickly and so fast that it was almost impossible to keep the windshield clear. As it grew dark, visibility dropped to a few yards. This was that heavy, wet snow that piles up very quickly. As conditions worsened, the road became passable in only one lane. This little car only had a clearance of a few inches so we were driving in the tracks of the vehicle in front of us. It seemed like the only ones on the road were semi trucks and us. The problem was when we would get behind a truck, it would throw so much snow up that we couldn't see at all. Stephanie (she has grown much wiser since then) would tell me to pray because she was going to pass the semi. Boy, did I pray. She would pull over into the other lane that wasn't really a lane anymore and use the lights along the bottom of the semi trailer as our only point of reference. We had no idea what lay ahead of us: a bend in the road, a stalled car? As soon as we passed the headlights on the truck, she would whip in front of it.

When the semi trucks give it up, you know its over. We saw a convenience store beside the highway and pulled in. The clerk told us that the interstate had just been closed from Russell, Kansas (which was right ahead of us) to Limon, Colorado. Stephanie asked if there was anyplace to stay in Russell and the clerk was good enough to call them for us. We got the last room in the trailer court in Russell. 

We checked into our motel and carried the bags in. It was freezing!! There was a big gap under the door and snow was blowing into the room. We piled all the blankets on one bed and put on as many articles of clothing as we could, without cutting off circulation.  We slept huddled together beneath the blankets, trying to fend off frostbite. 

The next morning, we made our way to the lobby of the motel to get a report on the road conditions. The only other occupants of this establishment were truck drivers and they were all in the lobby. Everyone else, it seemed, had had the good sense to stay home.  It took the highway department almost a full day to clear the road and reopen the highway. In the meantime, we did discover the best mexican food on the planet was to be had at a little restaurant in Russell. The only other way to pass the time in that town was at the bowling alley, but it was league night.

Stephanie's husband, when he learned of our misfortune, said, "Well, can you travel east?"

Stephanie told him that the road to the east was still open, but that we really didn't want to give up yet.

He said, "Why don't you go back and find an airport. Then you could hop on a plane and head to the Bahamas instead." He doesn't like to be cold and could imagine nothing worse than being stuck in a huge pile of snow, unless it was skiing. He thought the beaches and waves sounded like a lot more fun. Not having beachware was no problem either. He told her to just buy us clothes when we got to the beach. (No children = money to spend)

As nice as that sounded at the moment, we really wanted to go skiing. We waited it out. When the highway finally reopened, we resumed our journey.  As we finally left Kansas, Stephanie looked at me and said, "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!" She had been waiting two days to say that! And not too many hours later we arrived happily in Vail.

And yes, the skis were still strapped to the bumper!

We will never live that one down!

The Snake and I

When Hannah was little, she got the whole snake thing started. At first she was happy catching some grass snakes, then she moved up to her first "pet" snake, a Tangerine Honduran Milk Snake. I have never understood the attraction, but, over the years, it has infected almost all of our children and my husband.

From humble beginnings, this snake thing grew until it was completely overwhelming! Kregg used to take the kids out in the middle of no where in the middle of the night to HUNT them!! Yes, they would go tromping around with flashlights and snake hooks trying to find "pretty" snakes. As horrible as that sounds, it was great "Dad Time" with the kids. You can just imagine all the adventures they had driving the back roads of west Texas in the middle of the night! Yes, they saw lots of rattlesnakes.

Anyway, from one pet snake the collection grew to dozens and dozens. For a couple of years they were INSIDE MY HOUSE!!! Each had it's own box and Kregg put them on a big shelving unit in our study. I tried to continue my life and act as normal as possible, under the circumstances. But it wasn't always easy. I had friends who wouldn't set foot inside my house because they knew "they" were in there!

The first time we ordered "pinkies" (frozen baby mice) in bulk, the overnight delivery guy came to the door.  I wasn't thinking and so I actually said out loud, "Oh, the mice are here." 

The poor guy said, "Mice?!!" I thought he was going to drop the box. 

Once again without thinking, I said, "Yes, they are for the snakes." 

He, with a horrified look on his face, said, "SNAKES?!!" Never saw that delivery guy again. 

When the collection outgrew the study, they finally earned their own room in the shop, complete with climate control! Just owning them wasn't enough, though. Kregg and the kids even hatched snake eggs!! Can you imagine my horror?

Well, when they would catch a snake in "the wild," Kregg would keep it in a plastic box in our bedroom to make sure it wasn't sick, or carrying parasites, before he would introduce it into the general snake population in the shop. It was okay for us to be exposed to whatever they had, but he sure didn't want to spread it to the other snakes. (It's not really like we could catch anything, but it sounds pretty pitiful, doesn't it?)

At the time of this story, there was one large snake, a Trans Pecos Rat Snake, in a box in the floor of our bedroom. They had caught it a week or so before, and it hadn't graduated to the snake room yet. It was a particularly mean reptile. When I would walk into my room, it would strike at me. Being in that plastic box, there would be a big "thump"!  It scared me to death every single time!! I didn't like him and he sure didn't like me! I couldn't wait for him to move out of my bedroom and go live with his snake buddies!

We were in the process of repainting our study and actually putting books in it after the snakes moved out. All the boxes of books were stacked neatly in a corner of our bedroom behind the door, awaiting their new home. Well, on the evening of my near death experience, Kregg was going to take Hannah, Mackenzy, and Caleb snake hunting. Elizabeth and Rebekah were little. I thought to myself that, after they left and I got the two babies in bed, I might actually be able to think in complete sentences for a while. That is one of my favorite past times. 

Well, Kregg and the big kids left and I got the baby girls down for the night. I was going through the house straightening things up a bit and I walked into my bedroom. You know how you sometimes see something out of the very corner of your eye? Well, I saw something, but for a split second I refused to believe it. Just at the moment I walked into my room, the back half of that snake was disappearing into the stack of book boxes!! I knew, instinctively, that I should reach out and grab it, but I just could NOT do it! This was one of my worst nightmares! A big, mean snake is loose in my bedroom and I am all alone!! It was too late at night to call any of our friends to come rescue me. Besides, I don't know if I have any friends that actually love me THAT much!

I consoled myself with the thought that I at least knew where it was. As bad as this situation was, it would have been much, much worse had I walked into the room to an empty snake box, having no idea where it was hiding!! I immediately shut the doors and grabbed two big towels. I rolled them up in front of the doors leading to the bathroom and the hallway to keep it from getting out of our room. Then I sat on my bed shaking, never taking my eyes off the pile of boxes.

I called Kregg.  I was not happy. 

He had just gotten to their hunting spot two hours away! I told him the snake was loose. 

Do you know what he said?  "Anne, I can walk you through how to catch it."  I almost died!

I couldn't believe it! I told him that was not going to work. I just couldn't do it. Besides, they had all the snake hooks (long steel rods they use to catch snakes without having to touch them). I told him he was just going to have to come home. He wasn't happy and I know he didn't understand why it was such a big deal, but I couldn't see any other alternative. He said they would start back in a few minutes. I sat on the bed to wait and watch.

It wasn't long until it hit me: With the doors shut and me closed up in my room, I couldn't hear the babies if they cried.  With a sickening sense of realization, it dawned on me that I was going to have to catch that snake. I couldn't leave my room because then I wouldn't know if the snake moved! I couldn't wait for Kregg to get home two hours later!

Be calm. Think of a plan. 

The only thing I could come up with was to use a towel to try to capture it so I wouldn't have to touch the thing. I could throw a towel on it and then grab it and throw it back in the box. The flaw in my plan is glaringly obvious now, but I sure didn't see it then.

I got a big towel and walked over to the pile of boxes. The hair on the back of my neck is standing up again just remembering that moment. I slowly slid one box away from the pile. No snake. I grabbed hold of another box and slid it over by the first. No snake. I kept dragging boxes away from the pile until I finally saw it! It was curled up vertically between the wall and the box next to the wall. And it was looking at me!!! You have to understand: this snake is over 4 feet long and I am absolutely terrified. Still, I'm thinking, "I have to do this!" I grabbed hold of the box, made sure I had a grip on my towel, and slowly started sliding the box away from the wall. 

I don't know what I expected to happen at that moment. I guess I thought it would just lie there and let me pick it up. Silly me. As soon as I moved the box, the snake came straight at me!! I started screaming at the top of my lungs and threw the towel over it. This is where the flaw in my plan smacks me across the face. The snake wasn't going to just lie there under the towel and let me pick it up. I knew I was supposed to grab it behind the head so it couldn't bite me, but it's head wasn't where I thought it was, and I grabbed it right in the middle of its body!!! I'm still screaming! The snake comes over the top of the towel right at my face!! Somehow, I ran across the room and threw it, towel and all, into the plastic tub. Kregg is lucky I didn't just open the back door and throw it outside. I snapped the lid on and ran to get all the weights off the weight bench to pile on top of the lid.  It took me several minutes before I could breath again!

Crisis over! Catastrophe averted. 

I called Kregg and said, "You don't have to come home. I caught that snake. But, here's the deal:  tomorrow ALL THE SNAKES ARE MOVING OUT OF THE HOUSE AND INTO THE SNAKE ROOM! Okay?!!

He said, "Yes, honey."

I guess, in the end, it was worth it because that was the end of the snakes in the house!! 

Until last week . . .

Elizabeth caught a snake in the backyard.  A baby Desert Kingsnake.

Here we go again!!

From Russia (Magadan) With Love

This is the Grief Mask that stands on a hill outside Magadan.

We had been sailing along for a few years as a family of seven when the Lord, once again, rocked our boat!

First, some background:
Caleb is now 17 years old and a senior in high school. After Rebekah was born, he was our lone male representative in the children's department. Four to one are not odds that he enjoyed. Don't get me wrong, he loves his sisters (most of the time :) ). But he prayed for brothers for years. When he would tell me about his prayers, I would just tell him, "Oh, that's nice, honey. Go play." I was completely clueless about what was coming.

One day in 2003, God told me to pray for two little boys. I can show you exactly where I was in my house when this happened.

We had just assumed that five was our number. Our boat was pretty full, in my mind. In fact, many days I felt like most of our time was spent "bailing" in an attempt to keep us afloat. Of course, I wasn't the one who was keeping anything afloat. But the Lord is so very patient with us.

Well, God's definition of "full" and mine are different.

Anyway, I was walking through the house to put something away and all of a sudden the Lord dropped this bombshell. I must confess, my first response was not ideal. I actually thought, "I'm sorry, but I think you must have the wrong number."

Of course, I couldn't leave things there. And the Lord patiently waited until I could process His request.

My next response was, "OH MY!! Am I PREGNANT? With twin boys?!!!" He really had my attention now. As I ran through what it could all mean, He was still there waiting for this to sink in.

Facing the fact that somehow we would be receiving two little boys from Him, other things began racing through my mind: "Where will we put them, how will we feed and clothe them? We already have FIVE!"

²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  ²⁸"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV)

Well, I can't really argue with that, can I?

Then I guess I pulled a "Gideon".

"Okay, Lord, if you have two little boys for us, that's fine. We will give them a home. I know You always provide for Your Will. But if this is really Your plan, You have to tell Kregg, because I can't. If this is really what you have for us, tell Kregg."

After giving it to the Lord, I didn't really think about it much. I went about business as usual and kind of pushed it to the back of my mind.

But then the Lord moved again.

Caleb and I had pulled the flatbed trailer out to Kregg's office one day a couple of weeks later. As soon as he finished at the office, we were going to pick up a couple of four wheelers. It wasn't often that just the three of us were together without any of the girls. But, remember: this is the young man who had been praying for brothers for years.

When we got to his office, Kregg started telling us about a man he works with who had just gotten back from Siberia where he and his wife had adopted two children. Kregg had us wait while he went and got the pictures from their trip to Russia. We were looking at this man's new family, when it hit me!! This is what the Lord had in mind! I just sat there watching and listening, knowing full well what was coming.

Kregg started asking more and more questions about the children they had adopted, then about the adoption process. When he got to the point of asking which adoption agency they had used, I was just holding my breath waiting.

Next, Kregg asked for the phone number. He was calling the adoption agency!

Their agency was made up of a little Christian grandmother in Washington state that ran her agency out of her home. Kregg  began asking the woman general questions about adopting.

And then, I wish you could have seen him. He had a rather shocked look on his face as he said, "I think we may want to adopt a little boy." It was as if he couldn't believe he was saying it.

I held up my hand and gave the "time-out" signal like in football. Then I held up two fingers. He looked at me incredulously and I told him I would explain it later.

Sergey Naumov and his brother Oleg, became Joshua and Benjamin Conder in August of 2004!!

The Lord is so good! 

Our journey through the adoption process is a tale for another day:

The Gives and the Lord Takes Away, Blessed Be the Name of the Lord
Confessions of an Adoptive Mom

Rebekah: A Special Revelation of His Love

After Elizabeth was born, we assumed we were out of the baby business. The doctors had told us that each successive pregnancy would be more dangerous. (Explanation in a previous posting) So as soon as she would outgrow something, I would give it away: clothes, carseat, everything! We certainly didn't have room to store extra stuff. Little did we know . . .

When Elizabeth was about a year old, I was homeschooling Caleb, Mackenzy, and Hannah. My homeschooling journey has been, for the most part, one of solitude. I have been called by the Lord to walk alone for much of the journey. When I say "alone", I mean that I haven't been in homeschooling groups or co-ops for more than just a short time here and there. I have been blessed to have a few people with whom I could compare notes from time to time, but the Lord has had me just focus on being home with our kids.

One of my friends told me about an author of homeschooling materials that she thought I would particularly enjoy. I read her book and many of her newsletters and received great insight into the principles the Lord had me learning. When I found out that she was going to conduct a seminar in Oklahoma City, I asked Kregg if he would mind if I attended it. I can seriously count the homeschooling workshops I have attended in all my years of homeschooling on one hand. Anyway, he bravely agreed to keep all FOUR kids, including Elizabeth who was 12 months old, so that I could go. He decided he would take the kids and go to his parents for the weekend.

I lit out in our van and drove myself, all by myself, to Oklahoma City (about 7 or 8 hours away). It was a very relaxing drive. I was actually able to think in complete sentences for several uninterrupted hours! Amazing! There wasn't anyone else I had to take care of or talk to!

I stayed with a friend who was attending the conference with me. I enjoyed all the sessions and it was a productive time to refocus my vision for our homeschool. But the most amazing part of the weekend was the closing prayer. As she prayed, the woman I had driven all these hours to hear asked the Lord for a unique blessing for each of us. She asked that, as we traveled home, we would each receive a special revelation of just how much He Loved us. Cool!

I began my return trip with a sense of anticipation. What did the Lord have for me? How would He tell me? I had a great time with Him all of those hours of my drive, singing and praying and listening. But as I arrived at my in-laws' (I was meeting Kregg there), I felt a little disappointed that there had been no "lightning bolt" of revelation. I had really enjoyed my uninterrupted hours with Him, but in the back of my mind I wondered why He hadn't answered her prayer over us. Of course, this is the part where satan whispers in your ear, "It's because He doesn't really love you all that much."

We spent the night there and then loaded up the next morning to go home. Then it dawned on me: I'M NOT HOME, YET! Dare I let my hope be resurrected?

I forget how we divided up the kiddos between the two vehicles, but I was fully back in Mommie mode as we drove the last two and a half hours home. Somewhere between Abilene and Midland, the lightning bolt struck!! God said to me, "You're PREGNANT!"

Needless to say, that was not QUITE what I had expected!!

Then the thought hit me: "What will Kregg think?!"

I went in the house as soon as we pulled in the driveway and grabbed a leftover pregnancy test. Sure enough, it's positive. I've never gotten to surprise Kregg and tell him "the news" before, he's always just known. I was really nervous, especially after what we had been through with Elizabeth. I walked into our bedroom and met him as he was carrying in our bags. I looked at him and he said, without missing a beat, "You're pregnant, aren't you?" The Lord had told him, too!!

The pregnancy was even more scary than it had been with Elizabeth. The bloodwork got up into the dangerous zone and we had to have several amnios. Once again, though, the Lord walked us through every new bump in the road.

Because of the doctor's concerns, they decided to induce a little early. We were prepared for the whole "sterile room" thing again, like we had gone through with Elizabeth. But, when Rebekah was born, she was perfectly healthy! Her bloodwork came back absolutely normal!!

Now, a little explanation about Rebekah. She sees my soul. I can't explain it, but she knows me better than any of the other kids. She spent the first 30 minutes or so of every morning for the first several years of her life, climbing up in my lap and "snuggling" me. I can't explain it, but she ministered to my heart.

When my mom was living here for the last few months of her life, Rebekah ministered to her in the same way. Mom had Alzheimer's and there was so much that was lost to her mind, but when she saw Rebekah walk through the door, she just lit up. Rebekah would run to her, crawl up in her lap, and they would just love each other.

She is nine years old now and is quite a challenge at times. We butt heads often, and sometimes it is unclear who won the latest round. But, she still melts me in a puddle. To her, I am transparent. She knows, when no one else does, what is in my heart. Wonderful and Terrifying at the same moment.

. . . a special revelation of just how much He loves me!

The Best Dog in the World

We lost our precious Hercules yesterday. He was an enormous Alaskan Malamute and would have been 13 years old next month. Our vet didn't believe he would make it past ten. He was Hannah's Christmas present in 1996. Our younger children don't ever remember a time when Hercules wasn't part of our family. For them, he was always here to play with and protect them. He was a gentle giant, loved by everyone. Our next door neighbor always told people Hercules was his dog, he just lived with us. It's amazing how much a special pet can touch our hearts. That's not always a given with me. I tend to look at most pets rather ambivalently; I don't usually become attached. But, Hercules was a perfect gentleman.

There is so much I will miss about him.

He always looked like he was smiling. He was never pushy or rude, and he made it clear that you were his very favorite person in the whole, entire universe.

I will miss his season of "molting". Malamutes are a double coated breed, and shed their undercoat every year. When in molt, it looked, at first glance like it had snowed on just one part of the yard. We could have knitted sweaters from the "wool".

 He loved to go visit people, so we had to keep locks on the side gates. Otherwise, he could just lift the handles with his nose. Now we don't need the locks.

He always knew the difference between our pets and a "prey" animal. Our other dogs, cats, etc. were never afraid of him, but when we had "stock", he did eat several of them that didn't stay in their pens. 

One of my favorite Hercules stories was told to us by our previous next door neighbor. He was adding on to the back of his house. One day he looked out and saw that all the workmen were laughing about something. He went out to see what was going on. They were laughing at Hercules. We had a litter of kittens that had just gotten big enough to wander a little bit. Their momma had taken up residence near our shop in the back yard. The kittens had wandered up close to the gates going to the front yard. Hercules didn't think they should have strayed that far, so he was gently picking each one up with its head in his mouth and carrying it back to its momma. The workmen next door couldn't believe a dog that big could be that gentle, or would be worried about baby kitties.

We had known for a few months that the end was very close. We kept hoping we could somehow postpone it just a little while longer. We finally came to the point where it was time. There was nothing we could do. There was no way to get around it. Kregg and Caleb loaded him up and drove to the vet. When they came back, Kregg's heart was broken. He had already prepared his grave, so we buried him and then stood there and wept. He poured a concrete slab over it and we spelled out his name with small stones.

It still seems like we will look out the door and see him smiling in at us.

Oh, The Things You Can Do With Peanut Butter!

One of my sisters now has six children. They are all very close in age. Right after the third one was born, I offered to keep her first two for a few days. Daniel was probably two and a half and Grant was almost a year and a half. I only had five, at that point, because we hadn't adopted Josh and Ben yet. Our two youngest girls were about three and a half and two years old.

We had been remodeling our house for quite a while. It takes a while when you do a lot of it yourselves. We had put slate tile down in the study, halls and den. Supposedly, you weren't supposed to have to grout this tile. The store where we bought it told us to just butt the tiles up to each other and that was it. Well, that was NOT it! There were still gaps that were going to be too noticeable to leave. But, of course, the gaps were too small to grout the "normal" way. The only thing I could come up with was to use a spoon and a small float. I know that sounds nuts, but you wouldn't have left it ungrouted, either.

Well, it had been a really long day of grouting. I had been on my hands and knees on that slate for hours and I didn't know if I would actually be able to stand up again. Not only that, but measurable progress was so excruciatingly slow that I was doubting if I would ever finish this job. Basically, I was at the end of my rope. When you get to that point, everything seems harder. And I still needed to take care of all these little ones. I used to wonder why dinner, dishes, baths and bedtime had to come at the end of the day when I was already worn out!! It would be so nice if I could just move all that to the mornings when I was nice and fresh!

Kregg got home from work and offered to take a turn with my grouting spoon. He didn't have to ask twice. It felt so good to be vertical! (once I made it to that position-on the way up, I thought I was gonna die!)

While off my knees, it seemed like a good time to bathe all the little ones. Before we got around to remodeling our bathroom, it had a huge round tub. It was probably five feet in diameter and 18 inches deep. It was impossible to actually fill the thing up with a 50 gallon water heater! Not very practical for big people, but our little kids loved it. It was like a big wading pool.

I got our two little girls in and out and dressed first. Next, I put Daniel and Grant in the tub. They were having a great time with all the bath toys. But, before I knew it, Grant had left a lovely deposit on the bottom of the tub! Not the nice, neat "floatie" kind, but the smeary, yucky, messy kind.

Okay, fine! Get boys out of tub, and clean them up. Get them dressed and send them off. Drain the tub, clean the mess, clean and disinfect all the bath toys and the tub. No problem. Right?

Well, isn't it just like the Lord to give you the greatest idea for a practical joke when you are so exhausted you can't see straight?

Caleb and Mackenzy were about ten and twelve years old. They didn't mind watching the little ones, but they sure didn't want to be anywhere near the radioactive waste! After I got it all cleaned up, I checked to see where they were. I snuck into the pantry and grabbed the peanut butter. Yes, I had thoroughly washed my hands, thank you very much! I went back into my bathroom, and smeared some of the peanut butter on the side of my face. I called Caleb and Mackenzy into the bathroom (can't remember where Hannah was. It really is a shame she missed this one).

"Guys, I just got all that mess cleaned up. But for some reason, I still smell it. Can you just see-do I have some on me somewhere?" The whole time, I'm acting like I can't imagine where it is, but I know it's somewhere. I'm standing with my arms stuck out, looking all around myself. They both stand there with their mouths hanging open, unable to speak at the horror of what they see. They just gape and point to my face.

"What?", as I reached to where they were pointing. I touched my face and acted surprised to find anything there, stuck my finger in it, sniffed it and licked it! I immediately started gagging and spitting. They both looked like they were about to throw up. They ran shrieking out of my bathroom through the house.

I could not stop laughing. They couldn't believe I would do that to them. And they wonder why I buy peanut butter in the 6 pound can?