Reflecting on The Gift

"The Son of God became a man to enable men to become sons of God."  

C. S. Lewis

(C.S. Lewis is definitely toward the top of my 
"When I Get to Heaven, I Want to Meet _____________ List")

Don't be Offended

I've said it often, and I will until I die: I am a slow-learner.

The Lord has tried to teach me things that just kind of slide right off my "teflon-coated-brain". Over and over again. But thankfully, He desires so much for me to reflect His Son that there is no, "Oh well. Guess that lesson will just have to be skipped." He keeps teaching until it finally begins to sink in.

And, boy, am I glad!

I am grateful to finally be learning this principle. Glad it is finally taking root in my sin-sick-soul. Thankful for His Persistence. Because this lesson is important. And I'm wishing I had had ears to hear it years ago.

Ready?

I can choose to refuse to be offended.

I spent years not knowing that.

I spent years allowing my pride to grow expectations in my heart about how I should be treated, how others should behave.  And when I wasn't or they didn't, I was offended. 

It actually sounds comical now: I was offended.

As if I had ANY right!!

Having expectations about "How Things Should Be" set me up for so much self-inflicted pain, so many missed opportunities to Love, more and more focus on self. 

But then the light bulb came on!

It does not matter what anyone does or doesn't do if ALL of my expectations are lying at His Feet!

"FREEDOM!!!"

When I walk in true humility, caring not at all about my reputation but only about His, then I can't be offended. Not really. 

I can choose to let things simply roll off my back, smiling sweetly, able to return Love in place of reciprocated rudeness. I can be around people who "push my buttons" without fear, because I no longer HAVE "buttons". I can walk in Peace and Joy into the midst of the "lion's den", in places that previously would have caused me much anticipatory angst and afterward, residual regret.

HE IS SUFFICIENT!

Sufficient, so that I do not ever have to disgrace His Good Name by responding in anything but Love. 

Newly learned lessons of the heart require intentionality of me. Before His Nature becomes my nature, I must prepare, pray, and practice.  

Preparing: I must understand and anticipate the situations where I am most likely to fall back into old ways. Are there certain people, circumstances, pressures that tempt me to "react"? 

Pray: Preparation in prayer helps me choose Grace. Grace is the Power and the Desire to do His Will. When I know I will be walking into a hard situation, I need to spend time praying to have the Mind of Christ.

Practice: Knowing what has caused me to stumble in the past helps me to plan responses ahead of time. If I have already thought through typical scenarios and asked the Lord for Wisdom, He will help me "pre-program" my thoughts and words so that I am not caught off guard.

I will still stumble, but as I learn more dependence on Him those tumbles are fewer and farther between.

Isaiah 40:31
. . . but those who hope in the LORD
   will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
   they will run and not grow weary,
   they will walk and not be faint. 

The First Day of Winter

Don't know what it's like in your neck of the woods, but our first day of winter is setting a record high temperature of 80+ degrees. The sun is shining. The sky is blue. The wind and dirt are blowing. I actually had to flip on the air-conditioner in my suburban. I don't think the kids are going to get their wish of a white Christmas.

Our homeschooling has ceased until after New Years. And are we excited! We have had much company, and several parties at our house over the last couple of weeks, not to mention the other parties (Kregg's company one, a neighborhood one, a party at church). And I just dropped the two youngest boys off at a birthday party/sleep over/air soft war that lasts until tomorrow. They were not excited at all. I did tell the brave mother-of-the-birthday-boy that she was free to thump my two on the head, if needed, and tell them it was from me. And if things get really nuts, I told her to call me, no matter what time it is, and I will come and cart them away.

We are still awaiting the arrival of one last shipment of presents. Amazon says it will arrive by the 23rd. But everything else is bought, wrapped, shipped, or delivered. Whew! There is, however, one large project looming for Kregg, Builder-of-Furniture-Extraordinaire. 

He decided that for the 18th birthday of each of our children, he was going to build a special piece of furniture. It is a serious thing to set a precedent in this family. You really need to think about it when you do something for #1 out of 7, because that means you will need to replicate the experience 6 more times. (That's why there are 5 baby beds in our storage room, one for each of the five children we birthed. Josh and Ben will just have to get theirs until they become parents, since they weren't here as babies.) 

When Hannah turned 18, he built her a gorgeous arts & crafts style bookcase, with glass doors, out of quarter-sawn oak. When Mackenzy turned 18, we had an extra girl living with us. She lived here for a year and shared a room with Mackenzy. So Mackenzy asked if, since her room was so crowded, she could wait a while for her special piece of furniture. Well, Kregg decided that he wanted to surprise her with it for Christmas this year. She has no idea he has been working on it, and since she doesn't read my blog it will still be a surprise. It's going to be a photo finish, if he has it ready by Christmas. But, it is far enough along that she will be able to have a really good idea of what the finished product will look like. Pictures to follow.


Kregg has our Christmas Eve and Christmas Day all planned out. It is so strange for us to be home for Christmas that we are kind of giddy about it. It seems so easy! Normally, we travel for Thanksgiving and Christmas every year. You will simply have to imagine the logistics involved to pack up everything a family of 9 needs to have their entire Christmas out-of-town, because I refuse to think about it right now. It would be easier to move. So this year seems quite relaxed in comparison. 


Non-Christmas related things this week include staying up terribly late last night to view the lunar eclipse, watching a neighbor's home while he is out of town, a Shepherding couple's meeting and prayer time at church, seeing the very first picture (sonogram via iphone) of our very first grandchild, helping take care of Mackenzy (She slipped early Sunday morning and fell while taking a shower and landed on the right side of her rib cage on the edge of the tub. She probably broke ribs, but the nurse said that since none of the "scary symptoms" are  present, there is nothing the doctor can do except wait for it to heal.)


We are finishing up our three Advent readings: Tabitha's Travels, The Jesse Tree, and A Jesus Advent Celebration. Today, we did our baking for our "neighbor gifts." So our "To Do" list is basically complete. And it's only the 21st!

May every moment of this Christmas weekend be filled to overflowing with JESUS!! All the rest really just doesn't matter, does it?

Why Do We Homeschool?

The four clowns still in our homeschool

We have been asked many times over the past eighteen years of homeschooling, "Why? Why would we choose to teach our children at home?" I could (and have) explained it many different ways. But the best explanation for our choice is expressed in this quote by Susan Card, wife of Michael Card, one of our favorite Christian musical artists:

"We don't want to be strangers to their souls."

That expresses the most important part of what happens when we spend such large blocks of time with each of our children. 

If we sent them away for several hours each day, I wouldn't be as aware of the fact that Joshua struggles so much with seeking the approval of man, or that he is growing a beautiful servant heart. 

I wouldn't know to what degree Elizabeth needs better balance between doing a job well and perfectionism, or that she does such an excellent job with technical drawings. 

The fact that Ben needs constant external structure provided for him because he does not require it of himself would not be as easily dealt with, and I wouldn't see how much his attitude has improved when faced with a difficult problem. 

And I certainly wouldn't be able to address the fact that Rebekah is bright enough to figure a way around almost anything so that she doesn't have to exactly obey. And I wouldn't be able to watch as she wins the battle with herself as she chooses to be more respectful.


There is simply no way a teacher in charge of 20+ children could focus enough attention on each of these young hearts to be able to see the rate of growth that we see in our home. I know. I used to teach school.

For us, we cannot accomplish all that we desire as parents to accomplish in the time that would be left to us after school and during the evening hours. By having them with us almost constantly, we are able to encourage them in their giftings and in their spiritual growth all day, every day. It also keeps me in prayer for them as we walk through our days.  

Another major benefit to homeschooling is the effect it has on me. If I were not doing this job all day everyday, it would be much easier for me to be selfish, self-centered, much less diligent (conditions I am quite naturally prone to). By always having an audience of impressionable minds and hearts, I must allow Him to purify all my thoughts, words, and actions all the time. He is so Faithful. I am such a slow learner. But He is so Faithful. I have often joked that He called me to homeschool because I need to stay in the "crockpot", slowly growing tender. 



 

The Death of a Neighbor

Image From Wikipedia

Several years ago, we had an older couple as next door neighbors. They were so very sweet and simply adored our children. One day, we had gone to run several errands. When we returned home, I sent Hannah into the house to let the dog out the back door. As we were carrying in the groceries, Hannah came running to me telling me that Ramon, our neighbor, was lying in his back yard.

I ran through the house and out the door. There he was, on his back beside a hole he had been digging. I was yelling, trying to rouse him but there was no response. They had an enormous Doberman Pincher named Daisy who always acted like she would tear us to ribbons if we came into their back yard. I hesitated a second wondering what to do, but decided I had to get in there so I climbed over the fence (the gate wouldn't open). 

Daisy knew. She knew Ramon needed help and that I was trying to help him. She quietly stood at my side.


Ramon's wife, Doris was not home. 

I told Hannah to call 911.


I shook him. Nothing.


I checked for a pulse. Nothing.


He wasn't breathing.


I started CPR, answering Hannah's questions as she relayed them from the 911 dispatcher. The other kids were standing at the fence crying.


He wasn't responding. I was trying not to think about the smell, and the ribs cracking, and the panic that was rising in my throat. I prayed and cried and kept trying.


It seemed like days before the first emergency vehicle arrived. It was a fire truck. The firemen came running into the back yard. They hadn't received the information that I was performing CPR. I thought as soon as they arrived, I could stop. But since there were only two of them, they had me continue while one of them assisted me. The other was talking to the dispatch office giving an update.


Ramon had been digging a hole to plant a tree, a bald cypress. It was turned over, lying on its side. When he had fallen, his glasses had slipped up over his head. A pen had slid from his shirt pocket, over his shoulder onto the ground. One of his legs was bent sideways. The shovel was lying beside him and there was loose dirt sprinkled over the grass. It's funny how all of those details were so vivid. How they are still so vivid.

The ambulance arrived and I was finally able to stop the CPR. The emergency personnel were very thorough. They asked me lots of questions. We were trying to find his wife. I told them about their sons. I called the minister at their church.


They loaded him onto a stretcher and placed him in the ambulance. Several friends stopped at my house, worried they were there for us. They all knew how accident-prone our second child is and thought something might have happened. Kregg came. And I broke down weeping.

I was in shock.


Why was the ambulance still here? Why hadn't they whisked him away to the hospital?? In my heart, I knew he was gone. But, I wanted them to try! Please just try!


Then the questions began flooding my mind:
What if I had come straight home instead of making that one last stop?
What if I hadn't been doing  CPR correctly?
What would Doris say?
Would she be angry with me?
Why had this happened, if I couldn't save him?
Had I done everything I could do?
What about the ribs I had broken?
How were the kids going to take this?
What about his family?
What do I do next?


Someone had found Doris and she was on her way to the hospital. So we headed there, too.  What would I say to her?


Of course, when we arrived they told us Ramon was dead. Then I saw Doris. I flew into her arms and we wept and wept and wept. I didn't need words. She knew my heart.


I had a horrible time that night. Every tiny detail swirled around in my head. In 3D, technicolor, plus those smells. I couldn't tell anyone about the horror. All my senses were overflowing with the physical horror of what had happened. The CPR classes don't talk about those things. I couldn't talk about those things. To anyone. They just replayed over and over in my mind. I could still feel everything, the sensations were so crisp and clear. And I wanted to turn it off. But, I couldn't. I wondered if I would ever be able to do it again, if I needed to. Or would what I had experienced that day freeze me forever into immobility in the face of another crisis?


And still the questions.


But mostly the question: Why had I been put there at that time and not been able to save him?


The Lord heard the deepest cries of my heart and answered in two ways.


One of the firemen who had responded found my phone number and called me! He saw how upset I was and wanted to check on me. FINALLY, someone who could hear my questions. I asked them. He understood. He explained it all. I could breathe again. He told me I had done everything exactly the way I should have done it. The broken ribs didn't make things worse. He was gone when I found him and had he had this massive heart attack on the table in an operating room, they couldn't have saved him. The Lord knew exactly who I needed, so he sent this precious man to answer what I couldn't even ask anyone else. I cried and thanked him and he cried.


And then the card arrived. It was from Ramon's daughter. She told me that her family considered me their angel. She expressed their love and gratitude. And then I saw it: I wasn't supposed to save him. It was time for him to go home. My job was to prevent his precious wife from finding him like that. My job was to serve her by keeping her from seeing what I had seen, hearing what I heard, all of those things that had caused me such horror, she was spared. I had misunderstood my job in this situation. Through His Grace, I had done exactly what I was supposed to do. Only through His Grace. Peace flooded my spirit.

Now I could not only breathe, I could sing.

Truth And Mercy Go Hand in Hand

My dad and I have something in common: our spiritual gifting is that of a prophet.

Okay, before you stop reading, this definition helps to explain:

"There is a prophetic way to deal with problems, but before we can understand what that way is, we first must understand the role of the prophet.  His job was not, first and foremost, to foretell the future.  He wasn't a godly version of the carnival fortune-teller.  Neither, however, was the prophet merely an itinerant preacher.  He was a specialist of sorts, in a proper sense.  His job was to bring the Word of God to bear on problems, almost always problems within God's covenant community.  Just as the priest speaks to God on behalf of the people, so the prophet speaks to the people on behalf of God. The prophet is God's mouthpiece, his lawyer.  He lets those in covenant with God know that they are not keeping covenant and have a duty to repent."  Excerpt from When You Rise Up, by R. C. Sproul, Jr.

I see the world in black and white. There is no gray. Gray does not exist. There is only the crisp contrast between two extremes. Two complete opposites. With this lens, it can be hard not to judge others. It's hard to remain silent when the truth is so clear (to me ;) ). 

And apart from the balance of mercy, truth is often used to beat people over the head. I watched it happen all my life as I was growing up. It wasn't pretty. It hurt. It often left a path of destruction and despair. My two older sisters were driven away by it and left home at 17. My brother was convinced that he could never be "enough", no matter what he did. Each of us children made wrong choices in response, for which we are totally responsible. 

My dad meant well. I never knew anyone who tried harder to do what he thought was right. But, he completely negated the importance the role of the heart played in the equation. He believed that feelings didn't matter. What did matter was doing what needed to be done. Period. This was taken to extreme measures. 


Feelings should never be allowed to control our lives, but they are not without value. Dad, however, believed that "surgery on a soul" required no anesthesia. "Here, just let me cut this out of your heart. It's for the best. It has to be done. Shortest distance between two points, you know." That is the way Dad dealt with himself, and that is the way he dealt with others. Some can survive that kind of surgery. To others, it is fatal. He truly did want people to find the Lord's best for their lives, but he refused to consider that the collateral damage caused by that kind of "operation" often produced such a wounded spirit that further ability to speak into that life was diminished, if not completely destroyed. I tried and tried and tried to talk to him about it. But he truly didn't believe there was anything wrong with his method. When our children became old enough to receive this treatment from him, we had to limit their exposure to him. He didn't understand. It broke my heart. We tried to maintain the best relationship we could, but it was often strained. And now he is gone and I grieve the fact that there are no more opportunities this side of Heaven for my children to get to have him in their lives. I love him, but he chose not to honor the boundaries Kregg and I set regarding his relationships with our kids. My siblings and I, along with my children have chosen healing. But the price paid was high.


I loved my dad. I still desire to honor him. And I can do that by honoring the position of authority he held and focusing on his desire to do what was right. But, I must also honestly look at the fruit borne by his methodology and seek to allow the Lord to use Mercy to balance the "administration" of Truth. I had actually asked the Lord to give me almost any gift except Prophecy (as defined above). Of course, my request was short-sighted and based in fear. Fear of repeating what I had witnessed. Also knowing that I have done the same thing, at times. The Lord wanted me to trust that He had a better way. 


So, He has been teaching me about balance. Truth and Mercy go hand in hand and provide the perfect balance that brings Life. As I have studied and pondered these principles over the years, I have come to this (so far): 

1. There are times the Lord has me speak directly into a situation, a life.
2. The timing of the message is incredibly important. It must be His.
3. The ultimate purpose of the message has to be reconciliation and restoration.
4. Almost without exception, the message is to be spoken in the context of relationship.
5. Love must be the vehicle of delivery for Truth.
6. There are times He reveals Truth about a situation when I am to remain completely silent, except in prayer.
7. I cannot "convince". Only the Spirit can do that. My responsibility is to obey Him and speak when He tells me to speak.  

I don't always get it right. In fact, it is easy for me to slip right back into my "black and white", beat-someone-over-the-head routine. But when Truth is spoken in His timing, in His way, for His purpose, it accomplishes His will and bears so much fruit. 


There is a great need for every one of the Spiritual Giftings to be in operation in the Body in accordance with His design. Every member is gifted by the Lord so that the Body is healthy and vibrant in a world desperate to see Him in His Church.  Desperate for a true choice between what the world has to offer and the gift of Life in His Body. So I must allow the Lord to continue to refine His gifting in me, even if I wanted a different one, because Truth is important. Truth is necessary. But the Lord, as He walked this earth, always spoke the Truth in order to bring people to the realization that He was their only choice, the answer to all their questions and problems. He didn't speak condemnation. Condemnation is the message of the evil one. The Lord's desire was that no one would be lost. And Truth spoken in Love for the purpose of freedom and reconciliation is a message worth the telling.

I Corinthians 12 and 13

Now about the gifts of the Spirit, brothers and sisters, I do not want you to be uninformed. You know that when you were pagans, somehow or other you were influenced and led astray to mute idols. Therefore I want you to know that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, “Jesus be cursed,” and no one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the Holy Spirit. 

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work. 

Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines. 

Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. 

Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. 

The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? Now eagerly desire the greater gifts.

And yet I will show you the most excellent way.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.  When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I still have so much to learn. But the Teacher is patient.

I Messed Up, Again!

 

My husband, Kregg, is a most patient man. Which is a very good thing since I am a slow learner. 

I have written before in this place about the role of "help meet". The Lord continues to instruct, and though I am learning, I still mess it up at times. In the midst of all the fun and company over the last week, I forgot to put Kregg first. I actually resented requests he made of me instead of cheerfully looking for ways to serve him and honor him. Thankfully, the Lord and Kregg are forgiving and loving. I asked their forgiveness and trust that, through His Grace, I can do better next time things are extraordinarily busy. But, since confession is good for the soul, there it is. 

Learning to walk more in the center of His Will, I continue to be a work-in-progress.

Hootnanny & Cousin Fun

                       

It's been a busy week. Between homeschooling, making Christmas pajamas, company and parties, this is the first time in days and days that I have had a few moments to catch up with the "normal" list of To-Do's. Hannah and Jeremiah, along with their Scottie, Posh, came on Saturday and spent a couple of days with us. On Sunday, my sister, brother-in-law, and their six children came to visit for a few days. And then on Monday, my in-laws came. We have had so much fun! All the cousins have spent hours playing air-soft wars.

 We love nothing better than to have wall-to-wall kids having so much fun.

                     

                       

 

With 10 children, 13 and under, there's always a buddy to play with. This is Ben and his sweet cousin Sarah. She's four. Isn't she adorable?

Last night, we had our annual Christmas Music Extravaganza (renamed this year by a friend: The Hootnanny). We invite friends who play instruments, and those who just like to come eat and visit, and spend the evening enjoying old friendships and building new ones. This year, we had fewer guests than usual--too many conflicts on the calendar. But, it was perfect, as always.

 Elizabeth and her three year old cousin, Rachael.

 The kids love sitting around the fire pit, making s'mores.

 Caleb hasn't played his mandolin for a while, so it was fun to hear him.

 Visiting and eating, and eating and visiting. We had friends from church, the neighborhood, lots of family and some of the kid's friends all come for the evening.

 The kids decided they wanted to watch a movie, so all the cousins and friends piled in the den.

Next, it was time for Christmas carols.

 I love how Grandpa has his cup in his pocket.

 Rachael thinks Caleb is pretty fun.

 It's wall-to-wall pallets of cousins in the den and study, with some overflow into bedrooms.

Making lots of fun memories this Christmas season and counting our blessings. Wishing for you His Abundant Blessings as we all celebrate God's Greatest Gift.

Christmas Pajama Party

Our church hosts a fun community outreach, a Christmas Pajama Party. We invite all the people who came to our Harvest Party. There are games and pictures and cookie decorating and lots and lots of food and fun. 

Our two youngest daughters are tall for their ages, and so it is difficult to find nightgowns that are appropriate. So we decided to make some. And while I was at it, I made me one, too.

It took some creative efforts to get it all cut out because the store didn't have enough fabric. Usually when you are making multiples from the same pattern, you can economize somewhat on the fabric making it go a little farther than the pattern recommends. Making it more difficult, though, both fabrics for the nightgowns were directional prints and so all the pieces had to be cut out with the "top" heading the same way. I ended up having to attach a width of ribbon and one of lace over a serged edge, instead of hemming it, to Elizabeth's gown to make it long enough since there was just no other way to squeeze another inch of length from the fabric.

I do not have a dedicated sewing space, so the mess overtakes the family room and kitchen.

Applying lace

Serging a seam

Attaching a pocket to a robe

There was no trouble finding the boys some Christmas pajamas, so I bought them. Here are all four of the youngest decked out in their new pajamas for the party. My sister, brother-in-law, and their six children came for a visit just in time to go to the party.

Rebekah at the church building ready for fun.

Elizabeth with her little cousins.

Kregg made the pattern for his sleep cap and even shopped for his own fabric. It was quite a conversation starter.

I look like Mrs. Claus!

Josh playing one of the games.

Elizabeth, Rebekah and two of their cousins playing games.

They consumed so much sugar, there was no sleeping that night! This is cousin #3.

 

A grand time was had by all, but it was pretty strange driving around in a nightgown!