To those young ladies who long to receive godly husbands from the Lord:
Let me tell you a little about some of the qualities you need to possess to be a blessing to a godly young man seeking a bride.
Have you laid marriage on the altar? Have you come to the place where you are whole in the Lord alone? Are you willing to be single, if that is what He asks of you? Or do you need someone to make you whole, someone to make you complete? If you cannot honestly tell the Lord that you are willing to never be married to anyone but Him, you should not enter a marriage relationship. Only when you come to the place of complete dependence on God to meet every need and desire in your heart are you truly free to receive the fullness of the blessings He has for you in marriage.
Do you honor your parents? Are you submitted to their authority? Do you have peace in that position? If you cannot answer "yes" to these questions, you are not marriage material. The Lord placed you under the authority of your parents to teach you the right relationship to Him and to your future husband. Your ability to honor them does not depend on how they treat you. Your ability to honor them is made possible through the Grace of your Father. He expects you to honor the position they hold, even if they are personally undeserving of honor because of a lack of character. There will be temptations in marriage for you to challenge the authority of your husband. If you have not learned how to properly submit to authority, trusting only in the Lord, then you are not ready for marriage.
Have you cultivated a servant's spirit? Do you walk in true humility: not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less? Do you delight in being poured out as a drink offering, holding nothing back as you serve wherever He calls you to serve? Or does your service need to be acknowledged? Does your willingness to serve, or your attitude in that service depend on how you are treated? If you do not understand the true position of servanthood in the spirit of a wife, then you best ask the Lord to teach you the lesson well. You will be called to serve selflessly from the moment you say, "I do." The Glory potential in your marriage is largely dependent on your understanding of this principle. If you allow Him to use You however He sees fit, your marriage will bring Him great Glory. If you, however, insist on a specific "job description", you are not ready for marriage.
Are you self-disciplined? Do you know the responsibilities the Lord has already given you? Are you faithfully fulfilling those responsibilities? Or do you allow what you want to do come before what you need to do? Do you take care of your room? Do you take care of a specific list of responsibilities within your family? Or do you need constant reminders and external motivation to complete your tasks? As a wife, you will be responsible for many things. Your home should be a well-ordered refuge of peace, running efficiently so that you may minister to your husband, future children, and those the Lord sends to you to receive the gift of hospitality. Your training ground for these disciplines is the home of your parents. Seek to learn these skills well while you have a "safety net". The transition to being in charge of your own home will be smooth and relatively painless if you "own" these things from the beginning and already understand how to structure your time and energies to effectively and efficiently carry them out.
Have you allowed the Lord to lead you into an intimate relationship with Him? One that communes with Him on a daily basis? Do you pour your heart out to Him? Do you wait at His Feet? Do you spend time in His Word daily? You cannot stand under the assaults of this life if you are not grafted onto the Vine, drawing your very life, every breath from the Source. This relationship must come first for you to be able to fully, freely enter the covenant of marriage.
Do you understand a covenant? This is foundational for marriage. Our world has no idea what this type of relationship is about. When two people "cut covenant", they actually cease to be individuals. They become one with each other in a way that cannot be undone. Ever. When people end a marriage, they don't simply go their separate ways, a little bruised and battered. Because of the union that takes place in a covenant, the only way to separate the "two who became one" is to literally rip that relationship in two, permanently scarring both halves. Pieces of your heart will go with his heart and pieces of his will stay with yours. The covenant of marriage must be approached with the understanding that there will be no "out." Your commitment from Day One is essential. You must not entertain any thought of walking away. In entertaining that thought you are give
Does Joy overflow your heart? Your husband, strong as he is, will need this from you. He will need to know that, regardless of the circumstances you face together, your Joy is the fixed attitude of your heart as you walk in gratitude and thanksgiving. There will be hard times. He is designed to protect you. He wants to "fix" things so that you are happy. But that is impossible if your happiness is not rooted in Joy. Your husband wants a cheerful, fun companion. He wants to be free to enjoy your company. He needs to know he can trust you with his heart. But if you are not grounded in Joy, he won't have that freedom to let you see the things that scare him. He will try to shield you from anything he thinks will upset you instead of allowing you in to the deepest reaches of his soul. He needs to know you are brave, to face whatever comes with him. That helps him be brave. It sets him free to go out and fight those fierce battles real men fight. Joy in your spirit allows him to fully engage the responsibilities of his life.I had a very interesting conversation with our oldest son this morning. It was completely unsolicited, he just started talking. He told me the Lord is calling Him deeper. He has already come to the place where his life is not his own and he believes the path the Lord is preparing for him may cost him his life. He has Peace about that. Yes, you might be thinking, "He is young. He doesn't really understand." And you would be right. To a point. He is young. And none of us truly understand what that Path will cost us. But he is serious. And the Lord is tempering him in preparation for complete obedience.
As a natural part of this calling on his life, he has told the Lord that his future does not belong to him. He has laid marriage on the altar. "I am whole, complete in Him. I need nothing else. I need no one else to complete me. The Lord has already done that." This is what he said this morning. He then went on to tell me that none of the young ladies he has known understand this principle of completion. He was actually wondering if there are any young women out there who do. I told him there are. But that they are rare.
Those are the wives we ask the Lord to provide for our sons, if the Lord calls them to marriage. We know there are young women who are being raised to be wonderful, godly wives. But they are rare. "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies."
I did not know these things when Kregg asked me to be his bride. I am so very thankful he is patient and He is patient. I offer these things to you as a gift, a blessing, hoping they will be received in that context. I have not been a good example of all of these things over the years, but He is Faithfully revealing more every day, every moment about how to be the wife He has called me to be. If, through His Grace, you learn to walk this path early in your life, your heart and the heart of your husband will be spared much pain and grief. The Lord will accomplish these things in You if you ask Him. He longs to bless you. And me.
Future Job Applicants, Part 1
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